CHAPTER 1: the seeker

"So, how does one embark on a spiritual journey? What do I need to do first? I'm afraid that all I got are some ethnic clothes, beads and protection amulets..." I said condescendingly to the man on the opposite side of the table.
"They might come in handy." said the old man with a straight face. I felt so green and naive. We were siting outside of a small tea stand in a park. It was spring and everything was steeped in cherries and lilacs. Such a pure romance! We were drinking some oolong grown in local hydroponics about which master Wu says it tastes almost as good as the real thing. I have no other option but take his word for it.
"So how do I begin?"
"You are seeking something, right?"
"Well, yeah. Just ain't sure what it is..."
"Might be a good idea to go find it then."
"You mean, like, physically find it?"
"The inner and outer space are like two sides of the same coin. For some it's easier to go from one side, for others from the other. Simple as that."
"But where shall I go? Never been outside the Freezone. It's a bit scary to get close to the wastelands..." Oh boy... I'm in for a huge Fokop... ran through my mind. "You know, you can get on one of those child trains in an amusement park and quite safely ride around in circles for as long as you please. But you'll hardly get anywhere meaningful. But what do I know... if they record me saying this, they'll take away my token... So, don't listen to me, I'm just an old fool who doesn't know what he's talking about."
I got what he was saying but still couldn't help but add "I don't think that!"
"But you did the first time we met, remember?"
"Yeah, that's true." I smirked. "I'm sorry..."

The man just smiled and took his cane, leaving me sitting there with my mind somewhat pickled, half mentally preparing for what I'm going to do, half reminiscing about how the hell did I actually get to this point. To be honest, now I'm slowly coming to the realization about how cushy and agreable my life actually is. Just now when I'm going to shred it all... I'm no fool, I know very well that if I ever manage to sneak out into the wastelands, they'll never let me back even as a toilet scrubber... What the fok am I pushing myself into... Frankly, I got no clue...nothing. So, how did I get into this mess?

* * *

“Looking for something, young man?” I heard a voice coming from behind me, as I was looking around this small wooden house with a garden.
“ I’m sorry, I was just looking around... Are you mis...master Wu? I heard there are meditation classes?” I turned around and saw an older looking man, with a cane. To describe his looks as ‘borderline homeless’ wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration. His clothes were old, torn apart and repaired on several places, and there was nothing really magical or mystical about his aura, just weird and very very unfashionable. He kind of didn’t really fit my idea of a true master, which left me a bit disappointed, because I really needed to find one to learn about spirituality... I was convinced that there is a profound wisdom waiting for me but I was also well aware that one needs a true master in order to accomplish a quest like that. The old man was observing my probably obviously confused-looking face for a while.
“You heard right. But you’re a bit early though. The class is on friday.”
“Oh.. I’m sorry... I f..messed up...”
“No problem, would you like to come in and have a cup of tea?”
“Oh thank you, but I really don’t wanna bother...”
“Nonsense.” the old man replied and got inside where he put a kettle on a small stove. Now, that sounded like something I knew from the stories. So I took my shoes off and followed him inside. The interior was old and minimalistic, there were just two rooms of which the bigger one was a multipurpose space sparsely filled with only a light and easily movable pieces of furniture and not many decorations. He showed me to sit at a cushion next to a small table. I was looking forward to some old traditional tea to underline the atmosphere.
“I hope you don’t mind English breakfast.”
“Not at all, thank you very much.” There went my expectations. He came with a pot and two cups, poured the tea and sat on another cushion.
“So, why do you wish to learn to meditate?”
I must have had rehearsed this moment many times in my head, but suddenly, I was a little bit nervous about what to say. Should I really tell him about her? Or, my journey? Or about my desire to find a master? I guess it’ll leave me looking a bit stupidly naive... No no, gotta think of something else! I was too afraid to look pretentious. Not to mention I still didn’t know anything about him. Is he a true master? Am I just losing time here? This surprisingly immediate feeling of uncertainty whether my plans couldn’t get compromised by an unthoughtful move was slowly creeping under my skin. My throat was sore and my hands slightly shaking.
“I want find peace within myself ” then somehow came out of me almost unexpectedly.
“ Very good! That’s an excellent answer.” the old man replied with a sincere smile.
“...But how come you lost it though?”
“Umm...” I didn’t know what to answer. “Eh well”. He just sat there patiently looking at me waiting until I produce something more intelligible than a semi-random sequence of squawks. It was a mystery. I must have had pictured and rehearsed a scenario very similar to this one many many times in the past, yet now, the fear of endangering my future by acting like a moron completely overtook me and I couldn't but watch from the inside this funny prophecy fulfilling itself.
“...I don’t know” was the only meaningful answer with which I could come up. The old man was drinking tennis.
“Have you ever played tea?” He asked. I mean, come on... obviously, the other way around. Why am I so scared?
“Tennis? No, not really.”
“You should try. Might find it fulfilling.”
Did he just tell me that I should give on up my Spiritual journey? Seriously?... What kinda master would say such a thing...
“Nah, I don’t think so - I’m on a spiritual path.”
“It’s not different”
“Is it the same then?”
“Neither same, nor different.”
“Ok, sorry, I have to go now. Thank you so much for the tea.”
“You know,” he suddenly looked at me while I was putting my shoes on. “A spiritual path is not one to enjoy too much. Not something to revel in. It might perhaps be better never to begin with it in the first place - your life might be even more pleasant if ya don't. But if you still wanna do it, you might wanna be through with it as soon as you can. ” His grin was unceasing. He was obviously making fun of me. A spiritual path is there to end suffering and achieve enlightenment - how on earth could life be more pleasant without it? Boy, he’s just talking nonsense. My patience with this weird guy was slowly running out, I seriously couldn’t understand why all those people would talk so highly of him... I was sure it must have been their ignorance. Ok, we tried, let’s go somewhere else. But for the time being, my motivation was nearly depleted.

I was getting on my way back, thinking how to clear my mind of the feeling so burnt out from the spiritual stuff and had a strong desire to do something normal for a change - like going to a mall and see a movie. Yes, that might be a good idea for today. Let’s take a break from all this. And first thing tomorrow, I need to pick a girl. Someone who can appreciate my inner potential for a change!

* * *

Boy oh boy… My nervous subconscious snapped me out that reminiscence perhaps in order to remind me of a bit more important delusion at hand. Now, due to my advancing age, one might perhaps deem my desire for adventure a clear precursor to a midlife crisis... I wouldn’t argue with that too much though. All mentally sane members of the Successful society work collectively on a common goal and don't pursue some individualistic daydreams. Such things are of course natural and tolerated, however they are generally frowned upon and in case they go too far, they are considered symptoms of psychosis which means one has to undergo a neurological treatment. Although they say it's painless, there are stories going around that those poor patients come out completely changed. Scary. Nevertheless, somehow I was totally sure that worst case scenario, this is no more than midlife crisis. What's a midlife crisis anyway? What if it takes half a life to realize you've lost your way and find courage to find it again? Or for the first time, for that matter. Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing - I kept assuring myself. That's what I'm doing. Playing with fire. My mind started to race again. I need a plan. What if it doesn't work? Best case scenario, I'm gonna lose all benefits and will be left to dry. Yeah, but if I cross the line, that's gonna happen anyway... So there's by definition nothing to worry about. Yea, but when the stupid lizard brain is at the helm, definitions are rarely helpful.

So here I was, walking through bushes, looking at the stunning arid landscape that covered the terrain which was just starting to look mountainous. Steep hillsides with mangroves, islands of grass were dry, filled with more and more pebbles. I was exhausted from worrying all the time or from walking around all day. One of those or more probably both together. Well, as for my primal worries, I had about 6 months worth of rations consisting of protein tablets, various taste-inducers, mineral powder and a canteen equipped with a water purifier. As long as there was water of any kind, I was going to be quite ok. And what about the other primal thing? A thought came to my mind which made me sincerely smirk. Well, if humor ain’t leaving me, I can relax - I decided.

The sun was getting low and its orange hues were refracting off the stasis net – a protective forcefield running along the mountain ridge in some distance – the symbol of my somewhat secondary but not much less imminent danger, threateningly glimmering from afar. It runs along the ridge, right? But why would it penetrate the rock all the way down? Might be enough to find a natural cavern going through. Like that, in my head it sounded almost easy. But that would clearly be asking a bit too much. And then it hit me, that perhaps I didn’t expect myself to succeed in the first place. Suddenly, something within me clicked and brought a slight sensation of relief. Ok, let’s find a hideout, spend the night, perhaps more and then decide what’s next.

I kept walking along the rocky hill in the search on a mountain opening. However after several more hours, all I could find was a spot where a part of the wall a bit receded inwards, making something like a half-cavern. That was gonna have to do… I was exhausted so I just rolled out a little mattress and lied down resting my head on my backpack. Since by that point I was quite convinced would be going back, I had no problem to relax and fall asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. Little did I know that it was the last moment of my old life. Goodnight.

INTERLUDE: the finder

One day, kid, you’ll hear about her yourself. Damn, you might even see her with your own eyes. She’s like a ghost. A witch. A spirit. They say she lives in the forest, but they don’t say which one. You decide on your own. After you’ve dedicated your entire life to finding those like her. To finding anything lost or hidden, solving any mystery. She’ll become your bounty. Your price. She’ll give you wisdom, show you the world’s secrets, but her elusiveness will keep you up at night. If you’re lucky, if you’re smart enough and play your cards right. You think, kid, this world is about finding your place? Nah... that’s the single most common mistake of losers. It’s about winning your place. There ain’t too many places, so everyone’s trying to do that. Trying hard. Most of them lose, so if you wanna win your own place, you’ll have to beat them to it. Yea, life’s an ever sprinting bitch of a competition. So, maybe you’ll win it... hallelujah! And then? Game over, kid, you have lost. But you know what? Perhaps you’ll even come across the idea that an occasional losing might not be a completely bad thing in the long run. Confused? Yeah, I bet. Stick around and you’ll learn about my story. It’ll be as though you lived it.

CHAPTER 2: the girl

She looks around and sees the world flowing, people and things move like a part of a giant structure, a machine that is so big, we can’t even see it. Her eyes are drawn to everything as if they just opened for the first time, trying to absorb and examine all the information. And there is so much of it. For her, life just starts and it is up to her to choose a path, to find her place not to mention achieve and do so many things! Of course, her life has ups and downs, but generally she has always felt happy. True, she has never owned expensive treasures, but she does have enough to eat, a place to sleep and she is safe. Almost every time and everywhere there is a reason to smile, to feel this ease in your chest ― as when you look up at the blue sky, when you watch bees, buzzing over flowers in spring, when you feel all the scents of nature.

In her childhood she would always find time if someone needed help, or just to sit down by a mountain spring and listen to birds, while the sound of water and the fresh air would slowly put her to sleep. Now however, she is discovering a whole new world of prospects and pleasures. People have told her. “Yes, you may be young and beautiful but that isn’t enough. In order to be really happy you must be successful, and success is measured by accomplishments.” It was all so intriguing and exciting... She saw accomplished people every-where. They were beautifully dressed, clean and elegant. Their profiles were smooth, and although from time to time some were lacking a smile (on their faces), they seemed always to be the center of interest of those who would admire them. From observing others around her, she’s always known that rich and beautiful people are more popular, they have all they want, they are happy. On the other hand, less popular people were usually loners and didn’t have much influence on the society around. She didn’t give it a real thought at the time, but now it all seems to make perfect sense. What if she couldn’t tell illusion from reality? Perhaps she has been missing out on so many things! It feels as though yet another new world has unraveled before her.It is decided. She will set out to pursue success in order to find true Happiness.

With this thought, she notices an intriguing person passing by. He is young and slim, wearing an elegant suit and even his walk appears as a special kind of dance. Something about this man, the attraction she suddenly feels. Yes, it is not her illusion, he is looking on her. He never says a word, yet there is something about the look in his eyes, almost saying: It is me you are searching. Come, catch me, for I know the best way of all. She is helpless against this urge to follow him. She wants to be like him; to wear this magnificent suit and have the power of control that she can feel radiating from his dynamic moves. It’s a completely new feeling - a strong desire to have... It feels as the world around her suddenly ceased to exist, everything but the object of her desire and her. He is running away and she is chasing him, yet he always manages to stay ahead of her. He knows the terrain and uses it to his advantage. They are running trough the city, passing people, dodging cars and trains. Sometimes he is just a few inches out of her grasp, but he always finds a way to lose her, so she has to roam the streets of life looking for him again and again. However, he never stays out of her sight too long, not letting her desire wear off. Even when she is tired and resting, he appears in both her night and day dreams, his dance restlessly reminding her of what she might get, if she tries hard and long enough. Although to be honest, there is a tiny little thought in the back of her mind, asking if this is really the best way of life. But she does know that the way to success isn’t an easy one and her motivation is pure, hence she won’t lose her will to pursue Happiness.

One evening she spots him moving through tiny streets near an old castle. Her happiness is once again within her reach! Yet now, it feels somehow different. She’s more experienced than before, she knows she will need to stay focused if she doesn’t want him to dodge her again. Full of confidence, yet again, the girl stands up to continue her pursuit. To her surprise, this time, for some reason he isn’t running away. It is a late evening, street lamps are lit and she finds him before an old wall, dancing in an incredible halo of colorful lights that seem to be shining from his clothing, engulfing both the wall and her. Never before, was her goal so within reach, even inviting her to come and take it. As she closes in, the wall starts to look like a giant mirror streaming the whole palette of colors towards her. Almost entranced, she is coming ever closer to it, with her hand stretched, reaching out.

The wall, the street, the man, the whole city has disappeared. She finds herself on a clearing facing a big green bush, standing there instead of the wall. It is a beautiful warm day, the Sun shines high in the sky and there is a huge forest surrounding her, wherever she looks. Birds are singing, and every inch is teeming with Life. Something feels incredibly familiar about this place – as though she has known it her whole life. Gently, and without hesitation, she moves among trees, enjoying this beautiful place, although her visions of the man, his beautiful dress and dance, are still there, and now she is going in a direction where they are getting stronger. And there he is, hiding behind trees and then running away from her. Yet again she is chasing him, sprinting through the forest, dodging trees, and once again he will slip away, inches before her grasp. She is seriously tired of it, but she will not give up, convinced that one day success will come if she keeps trying. But now, perhaps she needs a break, perhaps some distance, so that she can look at her life from a different perspective? Maybe. But let’s just walk, be open minded and listen to the world around.

She roams and roams the forest that doesn’t seem to end, no matter where and how far she goes. Huge, tall trees offer protection from the sun, springs and ponds pristine water, fruit trees (or bushes) food. Wherever she looks there is harmony, and the silence is only disturbed by the song of birds. After walking for some time she finds a clearing under a small hill. Much to her surprise, there on a tree stub, sits an old gray-haired man, all alone. He doesn’t seem to have any possessions, except for a small fire, a little metal teapot, a cup and a flute leaning on the side of the stub where he is sitting. His dress appears to be very old but comfortable, his eyes are deep and immensely peaceful. At this moment, the voice of her newly chosen life of ambition is telling her that this man doesn’t appear to have anything to offer, anything people around have taught her to value and want and perhaps he looks more like one of those uninteresting people who spend their lives in some corner far from successful society, never even dreaming of achieving any of what she is set to achieve...

However, no matter how reasonable in the context of her way of life this voice sounded, she would never despise someone just because they are poor or their clothes are old. Anyone can say or think anything they want, but that isn’t her. Now, strengthened by this thought and full of curiosity, she approaches him. Even when she comes very near, he doesn’t lose his deep concentration. In a very gentle manner, she says:
“Are you a traveler?” He takes the teapot and pours some tea in the cup. His hands are calm and precise, he gives each of his moves exactly the time it needs to be completed without rush. He then lifts the cup on the fully open palm of his hand by one dynamic, yet not fast move of his arm in her direction, saying:
“I live here.” Not only does he look like someone from a different world, he even speaks in a different language, but somehow she can understand him. She takes the cup from his hand and sits beside him. She is totally perplexed and a little confused. This she didn’t expect to hear. So she asks:
“How could you live here, without having anything of value?”
“You think I cannot live this way, right?” He says with a little smile, while taking few small pieces of wood and putting them in the fire. Then he reaches inside his dress for a small bag and puts some tealeaves from it into the teapot. She is watching him, truly amazed by his calmness and confidence. She can’t help thinking that despite having almost nothing, this man really looks happy and content just the way he is. Until this moment such a concept was beyond her imagination. He takes the flute to his mouth. What follows is, for her, an even bigger surprise. This isn’t any kind of music she has ever heard before. The sound of his flute is in a way similar to that of the wind passing through the forest. Long steady tones, combined with a few short ones, resonating through her like waves, leaving her flooded with a feeling which she is either feeling for the first time, or might had felt a long, long time ago and has completely forgotten (due to the significant speed of her life.) Once again, the whole world around just seizes to exist. But this time there is absolutely no desire, no ambition, no confusion. Nothing. Not even time. The only thing that exists is the sound. Free of any thought, any form, any concept. Pure sound. She stays this way for a few moments after he has finished playing.
“That was amazing... I’ve never felt so peaceful before...” She says after a while, but in the meantime, there is a little suspicion on her mind, reminding her of her goal. So she adds:
“...but I doubt that this is the only meaning of life...”
“ You are living your life, therefore you must ask your life.” He replies, putting the flute back where it was.
“What is your happiness?”
“Being with myself.” With each of his responses, doubts about her life’s choices are growing a little bit bigger, and all this starts to make real sense.

A variety of colorful lights floods her senses, while the dancing man’s wonderful cloak swirls around her similar to a swarm of gold and silver fireflies. A breathtaking dance.
“Only I can make you happy!” He is right next to her, giving her a very intense look.
“ Don’t you forget what you were after, the thing you want!” Then he returns to his swift dance right in front of her, saying:
“These are all illusions. You will forget them soon enough.” His words are adding even more magic to his moves, leaving her feeling almost enchanted. Suddenly he stops and all the lights with him. He lifts his hand pointing at her. Then he makes a gesture inviting her to follow him. She stands up but then hesitates a bit. She turns back to the old man.
“Isn’t it an exciting offer? This is what I was running after!” He, totally undisturbed, replies calmly:
“Even when you are looking, you are just looking. If you don’t look, you won’t see...” With doubts and hesitation, she is standing there, watching both of them, trying to understand what is happening all that is just happening around. All her life she has wanted to fulfill her ambitions, to be successful, and now it looks so near... But what if going with him means going back to her life of endless running ? The calmness the old man just showed her - will she be able to feel that out there, surrounded by so many things? She seems to be stuck. The man takes off his cloak and puts it right before her eyes, almost as though he is telling her: This beautiful piece of cloth is all one needs to be forever happy. With this, the whole world will be at your feet, there is no greater success you can achieve in your life. A deep and powerful desire leads her mind, guides her moves, slowly stepping forward, reaching for it, while he is stepping back, putting distance between them and the old man. Then, with a few dancing moves, he is behind her, laying the cloak of Success on her shoulders. She cannot believe that, after such an arduous journey, the goal of her life is finally achieved.

The forest has disappeared. She is kneeling there before the wall, with her hands touching the street. It is night and the street lamps are lit. She is wearing the dress of her dreams which glows in their halo. No one else is there.

INTERLUDE: the finder

So you think that you wake up and see the world as if it was some huge machine that we are all part of? It’s not easy to admit, but you know, you might be not entirely wrong about that. But you are naively ignoring the most important fact, my friend. You were so excited about realizing that the machine exists, and your curiosity ended there. Poor naive kid. You’re so easy to impress, you get satisfied not even half way through and don’t care to get to the point. That way, you’ll never find much, kid. So, the machine. It’s a steamroller. And you be sure you’re part of it. Coz you’re either part of it, or you’re part of the road... But that’s not the end of it either. Every steamroller needs a driver, that’s what you should realize. If you're strong enough, the driver’s seat’s there for the taking. You catching my drift? You need to be needed by others. Or else, they’re gonna prey on you. And you know what’s important? Power. And where do you find the best power? In mystery. People are notoriously scared of what they don’t know. And scared people can be easily influenced. Influenced and controlled, so they won’t do something stupid. Like preying on you. You feel me? So you go find mysteries. But how you do it? First, you’re not stupid, therefore you know you need knowledge and experience. That’s the most important thing on its own. You go and ask around, what people fear, what they worship, revere... Then you go and find out about that. Its gossip, its origins, its power. Find out its power. And remember, no failure is ever a failure. Always analyze what happened. What happened -itself- is never as important as how it happened, only then lessons can be learnt. That’s what interests you, that’s your mission. You are the finder. And you are also lost...

CHAPTER 3: the seeker

When opened my eyes, it was already morning. I looked around trying to locate coffee dispenser. Right. Of course. The details of my whereabouts were slowly coming back. Boy, that was close. I keep repeating to myself that I had no idea what would happened had I gone through with that stupid craziness. I’ve always been one of those kids who take their perk for granted, yet have never known life without it. I let my naivete act out way too long. By that time. I could almost agree that the government is right to commit people like me to psych wards… C’mon, this ain’t like me at all. I like my comfy place, stable work and uneventful life. One thing I had to give myself, that this crazy endeavor wouldn't be so fruitless after all. This realization might just be the most precious one of my life. That this adolescent spiritual phase of mine was getting unhealthy and taking a bit too long to wear off. And that I wasn’t gonna find her anyway.

But all in all, the place looked nice. I packed my things and decided to stay dark a little longer and just keep walking in this stunning nature. Generally I wanted to go back, retracing my own footsteps, but somehow, I couldn’t make out the terrain. That happens when you walk for too long while being stuck in your head obsessing over worries. - I thought to myself. I wasn’t worried too much at this point. After all I was sure that sooner or later I was bound to run into an automated outpost or a settlement. And so I kept on walking away from the ridges, back to the lowlands. To be honest, the land looked weird. There were ruins. Very old ruins. “This ain’t Kansas anymore.” I said out loud with a smirk. Wishful thinking... I was frankly a bit surprised though. I always thought that all of the ancient ruins had been long recycled before I was even born.

There was an outer rim of walls that consisted of smaller blocs made of some strange kind of ceramics. I’d never thought I would see remnant of a truly ancient building. Fascinated, I went inside to take a closer look. What was left of the roof appeared to be made of plastic tiles – perhaps ancient solar collectors before they moved them up to space and beamed the energy directly to the ground. This was so small and necessarily inefficient. How could this have ever been enough for even one person’s consumption back when even a small kettle or heater were such powerhogs and Dyson swarms or clean fusion were still a matter of science fiction...

But this house – this relic was obviously constructed during the ancient times of wars, barbarism, and chaos of the 21st century. I have to say, I almost felt like being in one of those folk tales of Indiana Jones or Lara Croft. The only I was missing were the guns. And boobs. “Hey, some fresh meat!” - and then nothing.

When I woke up, I couldn’t see anything. It took me a while to fully come to. The first sensation I remember was lying on the side while the whole place was jumping up and down. My hands were tied behind my back and something was over my head. I tried to move my legs but no luck there either. Apparently, they were tied too. Boy, that was bad… They caught me where I wasn’t supposed to be and I’m gonna be found a burden for the Successful Society and therefore eliminated. At least that’s what people would say. No one knows what happens to those people. They disappear because they are no longer needed. I guess I’m gonna find out. My heart was beating quite fast after this thought. And then somehow I remembered words of my teacher: When you are in danger, think of your first crush. Your heart will beat fast because of that”. I wasn’t sure how it was gonna help, but at least it bore a vague resemblance of a plan. Let the river run - that was another think master Wu used to say.

* * *

To put it simply, fate grabbed my proverbial behind from the ladder of success and threw it down to the proverbial bottom of the pit. Head first. I was in a good place among people of both good spirit and prospect. It was a very late summer day, the sun was hot, although the air was slowly catching the scents of fall. It was the first day in a new school and I was immensely looking forward to this “new life” in a new collective, which rendered me full of expectations, although perhaps fortunately enough I still hadn't had the chance to unleash much of my weirdness on them. We were sitting outside after the first day of school, talking and having fun and I was truly enjoying their company. I was in a forest. What?! Suddenly, the reality around me changed and my heart was racing. I had no idea where or why, but in the same time my senses were totally overtaken by this huge lush and vibrant forest, that felt somehow different than the usual forests I have had visited. It seemed so vast as though it had no beginning or end, it felt incredibly alive and welcoming. In a second, out of nowhere, she appeared sitting on a stone, facing me. Something about her was almost out of this world. In the same time, she felt incredibly human (for lack of better words). But hey, look around you. This definitely wasn’t Kansas anymore. She was kind of tall, long a bit curly dark hair, her smile was warm, eyes filled with sincere kindness and her voice deeply comforting. She said: “Welcome, you are in the right place. We will meet again.” Then a sequence of causes and effects of which I had but none to a very superficial understanding climaxed in the unpleasant sound of the wake up call on my bedside clock. Splendid.

The day began full of euphoric expectations. It was a very late summer day, the sun was hot, although the air was slowly catching the scents of fall. We were sitting, talking and having fun and I was truly enjoying their company. Though I might add, it felt less strange the first time. I couldn’t shake off this feeling of the forest. And the girl. Who was she? I was in the right place. Was I? It truly felt that way, even without that dream, more so with it. All being said, it definitely wasn’t the real reason behind my pulse rate. We will meet again… These two sentences, their context and delivery were eloquent just enough to attract my full attention. No more, no less. There was no doubt that every cause and effect had been leading my life towards this very point and they were to decide the shape of my future. Yes, it was a clear sign which I was determined to decipher and use all its potential. But I couldn’t do it on my own - I had to find a teacher. Although this particular endeavor presented itself with a slight little hiccup. Namely that there were not many ancient sages in my neighborhood, just sitting around waiting to present me with their life’s work and wisdom. Not to mention their beautiful young daughter who’d instantly fall in love with a “Bruce Lee wannabe” white dude, just as it usually goes in those movies on which I had grown up. As much as I’d prefer for such a pathetic narrative to come true, it was more than obvious that the reality would be much less romantic. Nah, I definitely needed a different strategy.

* * *

As a matter of fact, it made my heart beat a bit slower. Still fast though. Just about the same each time I think of her. She’s always been the real reason I ended up here. And now my mission to find her is ‘fokingfoked’ and my life probably over. I will be dealt with as everyone else who’s ever opposed the System of Success.

Next thing I remember was waking up sitting out in the open. Well not exactly. Everything was still blurry, but at least I was able to make out light from darkness. And some voices from random sounds. Was all that before just a dream? Or is it still? Nonetheless, after a few moments I realized that I was actually in a cage, hands tied back to one of its bars and my head was ringing badly. I tried to open my eyes and look around, but the pain was serious. I could make out the cage and a few things on top of that. There were other bodies. It took my brain some time to be able to meaningfully process information again. To say there were bodies later seemed a bit of an overstatement. More like there were pieces of them here and there. Limbs and bones with parts of tendons still attached with occasional remnants of burnt meat. Leftovers. That scenery was exactly like from the stories we used to hear as children of life behind The Wall… Barbaric, cruel, predatory. Most of us kids eventually stopped believing them and took them as mere cautionary tales meant to keep us from misbehaving. Well, fuck you, sir. Fuck you very much.

I must have fallen asleep shortly after that, because when I woke up again, I finally managed to ease up a little bit. Not too much, but just enough so my brain would let me to take a more careful look around. There was a village full of life, like a small swarm of bees buzzing around their flowers inside the hydroponics. But this was different. Out in the open, unsure, unprotected. What a strange feeling… They appeared to have no protective dome around them. The village lived in makeshift buildings which resembled those round tents in the old Asian movies. From the little I could see, they had hydroponics, but outside, unsheltered from the elements. It all felt so unnatural, so strange. Apparently, that’s how cannibals live… An untamed, unsheltered barbaric life for untamed, barbaric people. I couldn’t even express how much I wanted to go back to my old ‘boring’ life. Where the fok is this place and how the fok did I get there… I never crossed the barrier, I never crossed the barried!! “I NEVER CROSSED THE BARRIER!!!” I screamed as much as I could without ever planning for it.
“Hey! Look who’s awake… “ I suddenly heard from somewhere behind me. Great. Now I finally got their attention. What else could go wrong… I glanced at the remnants around me. Two tough guys suddenly appeared, opened the door to my cage and grabbed me, dragging me out. It really was a village like that from the past. This didn’t make no sense at all… Did I hit some time traveling nexus and got teleported to the dark ages? We just passed a blacksmith shop… a guy was beating some pieces of metal on an anvil… Some kind of granary and a kitchen! Basically a big bonfire with a steel tripod with a cauldron over it. That’s where they were going to boil my poor body… Boy, that was crazy… “Send me back to my time, please! There;s not much meat on me anyway! ... I’ll give you my perk!” My executioners just bursted into laughter. The overall taste of panic proliferated from my stomach to my mouth. So that’s it for me I thought to myself. “One big foking shit!!!” I screamed all over, but perhaps fortunately for me, the verbal content of my not so epic lament got for the most part mute, or rather overriden by its material counterpart. And now, this physical allegory of my inner feelings about this place is going to become one of the last marks which I’m going to leave in this world. Because it looked like all the rest of me is going to be repurposed and subsequently turned into the inevitable consequence of someone’s good meal. We passed more cauldrons and headed among tents. Perhaps, they’re gonna chop and season me somewhere else first… Then it somehow occurred to me, that this may be how the government actually deals with the unhelpful… They just throw them overboard, toss them into the wilderness, at its nonexistent mercy. That’s how they keep their hands clean. Fok.

Hence, in what seemed to be a last dying wave of defiance I started to explain: “Look, I never meant to cross the line! I was going back! I finally found my place, I want to be successful!” There was a tent which turned out to be our destination. No one seemed to pay any attention to my complaints. We went inside. It was spacious and the interior covered in some kind of carpets and cloths. “I am a loyal member of the Society…” I moped.
“They did quite a number on you, son…”
I looked up. There on a bit elevated plane sat an old lady covered in a veil. “Let him go, we cannot do much for him yet…” She said. The guards released their grip on me and let me collapse on the ground. “Goodluck out there, kid.” I heard one of them. Then they left. I kept lying there on the ground. “Wait, you not going to.. eat me?”
“Sorry, son. We don’t do that.” Said the old lady.

I was surprised as hell but it was hard to complain. I slowly gathered myself and left the tent. I was there among all others in the village. It took me some time shake off the shock, but my brain was telling me that something in my previous calculations didn’t quite add up. I tried walking a little. My whole body was sore but still pumped with adrenaline and cortisol, so the inevitable fatigue didn’t have enough time to announce itself just yet. They can’t do much for me yet I had my backpack which they never took from me. I was good to go. But Where to? I was inevitably arriving at the conclusion, that this indeed wasn’t Kansas anymore. Something in me was different. Never in my life had I imagined anything from what I just saw today. Never in my life had I felt my last moment being so imminent. But wasn’t that exactly what we trained for with master Wu? That may have been it and everything he had taught me went out of the window. Not my proudest moment. Next time, let’s do better.

INTERLUDE: the finder

Do you even know why you are lost, kid? I bet you got no clue... Coz you think you’re on the top of your game. That you got everything under control. That you are the puppet master. That gives you confidence. Gives you purpose. You feel such an extreme focused on your objectives that you are clueless of the blindfold you had put on yourself. You don’t see that this still ain’t the key. Once again you got stuck halfway through, falling victim to your own deceit. You’re such an amateur... How do you expect to find anything if you’re this blind? You really have no clue it’s all just a game, do you. Like a child making a sand castle on the beach thinking it will last... Come on, stop being full of yourself and see through the lies. Everything you heard me say earlier... It’s real but it's only conventional. It means it’s there but only sort of. Like a game. Which means it’s not really real. So if you’re truly after the real thing, better not do it at all. Or else, if you still want to do it be sure you’re fully aware it’s just a game. That way you won’t be deceived and you’ll see how the driver gets rolled over again and again each time they roll over someone else. And exactly like you the driver has no clue. So who do you think is more unfortunate?

CHAPTER 4: the girl

“As the day breaks there comes a brave new world of opportunities. With each and every breath, with each and every blink of an eye. Eyes are there to see, ears are there to listen. Every smallest thing in this world is there to fill its purpose, without it all would be null and meaningless. How can one fulfill the purpose of Heaven and Earth if not by fulfilling their own? “Your purpose is hence to be part of something bigger than your tiny selves, bigger than the ever so limited mind of a mere individual ’do-gooder’. One day the whole world will carry this our staple of happiness - a testament to the victory of that which overpowers destruction and impermanence...” says the holographic prime minister to the pupils still sitting at their desks mere hours before the formal induction into the Successful Society is scheduled to take place. Her heart is racing as she is going to be led to her place where she can begin her true journey to success. She has learnt how to nourish and build her ambition to a real size, which is strong enough not to become susceptible to that cheap propaganda of those poor tunnel-visioned beings who although are not bad themselves however through their narrow-mindedness they effectively block the World from progress and hence deny everyone including themselves the innate right, their own evolution.

“Pretty boring stuff, huh?” A young guy next to her casually whispers in her direction. She gives him a look which seems more clueless than surprised. Is it because her dreams were coming true? Or because she simply cannot not grasp the idea that someone could find such a life changing experience boring? The sky is more blue than yesterday, the sun brighter, people’s smiles wider... Even ice cream more delicious! In such an amazing world, how could someone be bored? “You’re right , a little. “ - she whispered back full of interest in what makes him think this way. “So why did you come here?” - she asks him back.
“Why do ya think? To become rich, of course.” He seems almost disturbed but not really defensive. “If I work hard enough, and sacrifice a little comfort, they’ll choose me for a management position - and trust me, that’s the real treasure chest of yuppie-yay, catchin' my drift? Can you imagine that wealth and respect? We’ll be invincible!” His eyes were wide and focused in an obvious expectation of her reaction. “We?” - she looked at him with a surprise.
“Why not? We can stick together and help each other out on the way up - that way we’ll be even stronger and more successful”  She had to admit that he had a point. She wasn’t in it for the same reasons as he was, but a team is always stronger and less prone to failure compared to lone wolfs.
“So, what’s your angle? He continued probing.
“Angle?”
“You know... why are you here?”
She smiled sincerely. “To make the world a better place.”
“That’s settled then. You help me become a wealthy manager and I help you turn this little crib of ours into a paradise garden. Deal!”

So, it’s official. She belongs. She used to be just one of many, a lone and insignificant ant lost in the vastness of the world, the possibilities of which she couldn’t dream of comprehending, but now she is finally and fully part of that world, part of something bigger than her mere self. How invigorating a feeling this turns out to be! She is part of society, of success - for at the end she managed to succeed in the most important of tests for her so far, in the test of her ambition. In the very test of the innermost of factors which determine her worthiness of being bestowed the greatest of treasures - the world itself, so she can protect it with all her existence. To fulfill her rite of passage, she is now walking side by side with others like her, young apprentices on the beginning of their true journey. They are walking down a huge corridor made of marble in an elegant, clean and sleek design which carries a subtle suggestion that the true success is measured not by gross opulence but power and carefully applied control.

Day by day, little by little she is becoming versed in the workings of the world and its society, in its improvement and development for the good of all of its inhabitants. How it’s important to slowly and firmly get rid of old unuseful signs of poverty and old failed ambitions, because what has failed inherently lacks skillfulness and therefore doesn’t deserve to exist. However harsh a strategy this seems to be, its a vital countermeasure against the demons of decay who by their ignorant behavior destroy permanence.

"Wars are like storm fronts. They cover the sky and block the sun, bring acid rain metal hale and explosive thunderstorms. They reek havoc on civilization. They destroy, they kill, they wreck everything standing in their way. But like any other storm fronts on Earth, once that have depleted their destructive power, they disperse or go somewhere else. The skies once again become blue, the sun once again warms and heals the hurting land. At least until the world become polarized again. But, that vicious and destructive cycle had to stop. The last storm front almost ended the whole humankind. It was born out of two things. Delusion and insanity. The previous century was one of great destruction but at its end, finally, the skies began to slowly clear again, at least partially. It had seemed the worst was already past us and the era of great scientific and technological development would bring success and thus connect the society as a whole with the common theme of space exploration and Sol system colonization."

But then, humanity got careless again. We had been so much serenaded by our own wealth gadgets that we let insane greediness rule us. We allowed lustful tyrants climb to power, polarizing the world and yet again bringing whole new thunderstorms to decimate civilization."
"But that was a long time again" sounded from the audience.
"Well, that depends on perception, young man. For what it's worth, we may just be heading back into the darkness without even realizing it. As it has happened over and over again. That's where the new global initiative comes in."
"Like it's gonna be any different."
"It has to be, young man. Last time we truly pushed too far. My grandparents lived through the destruction and my parents through the aftermath."
"But how can you assure that? Hasn't every single regime in history shattered into pieces?"
"Not exactly. By the way, that's exactly what The Provisional World Council is doing as we speak."
"How"?
"I'm very glad you asked, young miss. We've done an exhausting number of studies. Ran simulations through latest predictive algorithms and gradually came up with a list of things to get rid of."
"Politicians?"
"Condoms?"
"Haha, very funny. It's money, my friends. We've tried for many centuries. It simply doesn't work."
"But how are you going to do it without money? Everything gonna be for free? Didn't the communist try something like that?" "Yes and No, my friend. First and foremost, it's not ‘just’ me, my esteemed friends, all of us members of our kind are, as you say, gonna do it. The number two on the list will be individualism, which is a true poison to success. But to answer your question - it'll be a centralized general merit-based reward system. In fact, everything will be for free, but only for those willing to pitch in for the society as a whole. As for the communists, they lacked two basic components - infrastructure and sincerity. Turns out that even the most ideal system isn't gonna work out when you're a corrupt weaselly asshole."

"Politicians and their verbal stunts..." said her newly made friend condescendingly as they were both walking through a large hallway.
"C'mon, give it a chance, it sounds really reasonable and we known for already sometime that's coming. We are just the first generation to go through the new process. We're pioneers. Don't you say you don't find it exciting..."
"Maybe, a little. But hey, let's have some fun!"
"What do you have in mind?"
"Let's crush the new flying tram!"
"But the ceremony is two hours... We can't miss it, or we might not get selected"
"Relax, miss Worrisome, we'll be long back, before that..."

* * *

A young lady proudly walks once again through the city on her way to her place inside the machine of the world, to the very core of the driving unit - as she likes to think of it. Her new life is different in many ways, yet in many ways, it is still her life. Amidst the futuristic design of the city her golden brocade adorned with jewelry of jade shines like a wish-fulfilling star. Both men and women turn their heads as she passes by, infatuated by her beauty and style. She has the perks - most of which she has never even imagined one might ever need. Now it is she who is admired by those who have yet to find their way to success. It is not that all her troubles have stopped; She still has to run from time to time to catch some new accomplishments, but so far, nothing as exhausting as the biggest one in her past. And she almost let it slip through her fingers. Don’t take me wrong. she says to herself. Meeting the old man in the forest was indeed a precious experience, but thankfully, because I listened to my guide to success, it brought me up to this point. It is true that her present life isn’t exactly what she used to picture. People demand more and more accomplishments from her and the more she achieves, the more friendly some people become, trying to steal some of it for themselves. They try in many different ways to get close to her, to make her like them and give them some of her wonderful things. With time, she learns to suspect these strategies in others and stop trusting them before they can try something.

It has been sometime since her training days and nowadays she has already managed to establish herself in an actual position of a huge corporation, working directly for its CEO. She has her own office, her salary, lots of friends and most importantly, she has class. It truly is still much strange a feeling, she had never been used to others treating her like royalty back in her child days. Now, she has no longer a need to sit under trees biting into apples or drink from her palms at the forest spring or ‘just idly relax’. Her new boss gave her a special pass to his golf club, where everyone tends to her every desire.

Amidst the futuristic design of the new modern city her golden brocade and high end jade jewelry topped by a wish fulfilling golden star on her chest shines as though it were a token from a mythical world of mighty magic. She is often told by her boss that she is an inconceivable treasure both for him and the company. She is remarkably youthful and vital with her body and face fresh and beautiful, still unscarred from corporate fighting. Together with her pure heart, she makes everyone entranced and believe every word she says, whether it’s a colleague or a customer, even when dealing with the competition, just having her at the table makes everything go smoother. She often finds herself daydreaming, her heart just weeping in awe from all this splendor into which she somehow had fallen.
“Hello... Earth to my darling!”
“Yeah?” She looks up with the sweet ‘was I dreaming again?’ look.
“You know, the Arcology project?”
“Yeah?...Don’t worry, gotcha covered."

The arcology is something really intriguing and fascinating. A whole city in an independent artificial ecosystem. The breath of the future. Can there be a better time to be alive than now? She rushes to her office to grab a file, take two minutes, drink a cup of hot oolong and rushes again to the new meeting room.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future. Together we're gonna build it.” He makes a gesture and an huge holographic projection appeas in the middle of the room. Two objects, one is a big dome with transparent body through which they can see lots of green gardens, parks, a river even with a waterfall. The other presents the same structure cut in half, showing the inner layout. “We are gonna create an entirely new way of living. But first, to those who haven't had the honor – let me introduce my wonderful prodigy, who is the new project co-runner. The girl was genuinely blushing when she bowed before the audience. “Her vision for this project is the determination to make people's lives better, to finally after so long time make a substantial step up on the ladder of evolution.” His voice, full of zeal and pride, in/voluntarily makes sure everyone got the most important statement - We're sleeping together and so he can move to establish his alpha-maleness throughout the room in an attempt to fulfill the compulsory sacred ritual of his Pleistocene ancestors, so it wouldn't stand in the way and thus he can keep on boasting about evolution. What she finds even more cute than the fact itself is that judging by the looks and the overall atmosphere in the room, she is probably among the significantly few who understands it in its entirety. Most of everyone seems to be fully in on it even after all those thousands of years.
“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you, but my boss is way too sweet, of course it's not my brainchild in any way, but a true team effort. And let us never forget that this team is so vast, it reaches far far into history, to those incredible thinkers, philosophers who had conceived the ideas and science fiction authors who gave it shape, so when the causes and conditions ripen, we can take on the task of a tremendous philosophical and historical value of making it science fact.”
“...and hopefully make us rich...” sounded from the room.
“Those two are in no way mutually exclusive” she smiled towards the direction of the comment's origin.
“A sufficient reward,” she continued, “for a good deed is only natural and nothing to be ashamed of, as we all know so very well and therefore it indeed is a truly inevitable, let's call it byproduct of our altruism”. The whole meeting room suddenly turned full of smirks and straight out laughs - all to her full satisfaction, she now has them exactly where she wants – in jovial mood and feeling safe. "Now, if I could request your attention to focus on the model itself - This is what the future looks like, ladies and gentlemen. A whole city. Perhaps even a scaled down model of what we shall one day build on Luna and Mars.” The whole room went silent for a few moments as the idea was sinking in. “Excuse me,” the first one to recuperate asked. “...aren't you getting a bit ahead of yourselves?”
“Not at all.” She said with a smile as warm and compelling as ever. “Not more than Columbus when he set sails to prove the Earth was round, despite all those ignorant voices of the backward majority... But of course, as he had backing through the Spanish royal court, similarly we fully realize that the surest way to succeed is to combine forces, that's why we are inviting you to the project. Our two companies may regard each other as competition, nevertheless it is without argument that such a concept directly asks for such a strategy. Therefore, if we join forces and come to realize it together – the strength is in cooperation, isn't it? Isn't this the exact kind of leap of faith which makes the real breakthroughs?” She drank from a glass of water while observing the reactions.
“But if I understand correctly, building this would mean huge demolitions of old residential areas, right? Something like that won't have a chance – the old-timers won't wanna move a bit” said another voice, following by “Yeah, c'mon... there's no way it's getting through, don't ya think?!” asked a particularly skeptical voice, empowered by a resounding nod of the whole room.
“No, they are not bad, or stupid, that's not the effective way of understanding them” she continued without ever showing the slightest doubt.“It's merely colonies of old-timers who deserve to live better and happy. They are just kept in ignorance, they are the unfortunate ones. From this point of view, it is perhaps even our ethical imperative to make them see the reality as it is. That's why they will be compensated with a living unit in the complex and a perk as a reward for their compliance – this is the least we can do for them.”

A hum of understanding became sufficiently present in the room. The boss was immensely pleased and showing his victorious smile of satisfaction #3, which again was for her all but unexpected. There are not many reactions of others that she cannot foresee. In this business, everything, every move, every second must be strategized and the absence of barriers in comprehending that reality is in fact the very reason and root of her success. That is the ambrosia, the amrita, the nectar of the almighty. In her understanding, the main problem of most people are their ego-induced inhibitions. They always get stuck on their delusions of the world which makes them torn between others' expectations and their own. Very few have the capacity to realize that that's not the correct formula for getting others' attention. When one deals with rich people, there are two main aspects of their worldview. First, they are power-hungry and second, they are bored from constantly getting what they want. Therefore, each of these two sides creates a different expectations from you. Hence, when you act according to their basic expectations, it'll make you look “safe” in their eyes, so they can relax. On top of that, there are key points where you must act against their expectations, which will make you look intriguing, thus they can slowly, but most importantly – willingly trust you to pilot them safely into the inviting waters of subduction. So far, she cannot remember an instance when this wouldn't work. As they say: “The apple falls off the tree the shortest way regardless whether there is Newton beneath it.

She walks through an orchard where the autumnal breath is slowly getting ready for its reign. Boy, it runs so fast... she gasps at the though of the early spring when she entered this new world as a complete puppy, and now look... She's becoming a proverbial apex predator. Her family, especially her grandma would be so proud! After all it was her who had always taught her that she must find her own way through life and always bring benefit to all beings. And that's exactly what she's doing. When she's finished, there will be no suffering in this world! But of course, the way to that goal is obviously incredibly hard and a lot of it is very unpleasant. Nevertheless considering all included, the end does justify the means, and to believe that is the only way to go. It's the new world order of success, after all. Her dreamy wandering through the orchard somehow completely sucked all her attention inside her thoughts, and only afterwards she can realize that she basically ignored all her surroundings. Strange. That's not something that didn't use to happen to her before. Lately she finds herself more and more fully immersed into chains of thoughts and strategies, rendering herself cut off from the outside world... Strange indeed. But what can one do about it... The only thing that remains for today is to get home, complete one more task and get some sleep and energy for another bright new day – Yaay…

And so she continues following her unending trains of thoughts, once again ignoring the rest of the world while commuting back home, doing the usual preparatory tasks, changing her clothes, making dinner, tea, music, newspaper, TV news, social media and all the necessities of a modern successful life which in a way seems to everything it can to protect you from the lack of information of any kind. Lately all the channels seem to be full of hype about the supposed new world order... That we are at the verge of becoming a so called “type 1 society” - a “planetary society”, and it's all this new “economical movement claiming to be the ultimate way the ultimately successful global civilization... Some people call it “United Dictatorship”, but who knows... If anything, our company's gonna be part of it anyways, so let's keep coherence, goes through her mind, while she other-wise mindlessly starts preparing dinner.
“Darling! You homeling?” a voice accompanied by clicking of the entrance door signalizes The Boss returning from some afterwork ultra-posh club meeting, or in other words: business as usual.
“Yea, I'm kitchengling.” she declares using a voice impression of his favorite comedian.
“Your MLCMCBF is now doorling! Almost ready to be dormling!” he drawls merrily like a bit drunk ten year old.
“Hold your horselings, first we dinnerling!” she sings opera-style, to her huge MLCMCBF, or midlife-crisised manchild boyfriend. To be honest that's one of the many things she's really fond of about him, despite his position and the immense responsibility that necessarily comes with it, he tries as much as he can to keep himself from becoming the usual disillusioned corporate old-fart as he likes to put it.

* * *

Another day, another business meeting. Lately she finds herself more and more realizing the sameness of days. Wake up, breakfast, go to work, grab a tea from a tea shop – just for the pure delight, business meetings, business meetings, strategy meetings, smiles #3 to #14, occasionally #21 when it gets tough, lunch, golf club, fitness, clubs, bars, loud music, people, people, judgements, judgements, people, judgements... Go to sleep often exhausted, wake up, repeat. But on the other hand, one she cannot deny is that she is now truly part of something bigger and tangibly successful. That must mean everything everything is as it's supposed to be and this is only part of successful life, which is a bit demanding, yet doesn't render the whole thing any less valid. As if someone gave her a perk for each of her accomplishment, yet in time it started to fade away. So she must to bring more and more accomplishments to keep her perks. Always alert, always in standby mode to be ready to fight another battle. Kind of exhausting indeed.

“Excuse me, we met during the conference...” A voice suddenly wakes her from her daydream. “...I was so impressed! I was won...I mean..I was wondering if you wouldn't be free for lunch? Oh excuse me... I'm blushing...ehm... I didn't mean to say that...” It was a gorgeous looking young lady, little by height, with huge dark hair and extremely sensual eyes, nose and lips. Her hands were soft looking and all her posture was showing a bit of subtle agitation.
“No, no. I mean, I haven't thought about it yet. I'd like to join you.”
Something about this lady is peculiar, to say at least. She is absolutely stunning. As she can recall, very silent and neutral during the presentation, yet watching her intensely. Does she wanna make friends? Or is there something else she's after? Whatever the reason is, she needs more data and insight to uncover it. A lunch is a very good opportunity to do just that. She smiles back. “Shall we?”
“So, how did you get where you are?” she asks the peculiar lady once they are seated in a high end running sushi, fishing among many little plates.
“Oh, it was destiny! I was so naive when I was young, and almost miraculously I stumbled across this opportunity to become part of something bigger.” The lady is talking very softly while staring at her and slowly licking her lower lip after eating a salmon maki. “It was a once in a lifetime chance, do you know what I mean?” She continued.
“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.” The girl replies still very puzzled about her intentions. But the lady doesn't give her much time to rest. “For me it was almost like I found awakening when I was aimlessly roaming the streets of life and found this guardian angel dancing around me... Oh, I'm sorry I'm blushing again!”
“No, you don't have to, in my case it felt like that too.”
“Really? That’s so romantic, isn't it...”
“It kinda is, you're right. A leap of faith into the unknown that paid off by every standard.”
“Right? One needs to make a leap of faith sometimes. Let go of insecurities and give yourself into the firm hands of someone with power, surrender control and freedom in exchange for the deepest pleasure...” Her speech suddenly drifts off into a short silence, as though she just paralyzed herself by the suggestive imagery... Now the girl is sure, that she's after her. But to what end, that remains to be determined. OK, let's put it to the test. “Well, I don't know... It never happened to me...” she appears overwhelmed and a bit scared. The other one instantly catches the change of vibe and pulls back into totally natural politeness, acting like any of that never happened. The rest of the lunch goes in this manner, as though the only thing she wanted to see was her initial reaction. Well that's an interesting datapoint.

“Shall I take her up on the offer?” she asks her MLCMCBF once they are already dormling. His mind is a cocktail consisting of exactly 50% disbelief and 50% arousal.
“Are you sure that's what she was doing? Well, perhaps, you should, ehm, see it through? It might bring, ehm, some new insight...” His face is showing elevated blood pressure.
“Nah, these things are for people with too much control and responsibility, so they need to vent the pressure like that. Or on contrary with too little of it, so they need to get off on controlling those... No, I have exactly the right amount of control”
“You do, don't you...” he replies with sudden undertone of... worry? No, that seems more like guilt..? What? Something is up and it brings a sneaky little tension inside her belly. “Is something up?” She asks.
“No, nothing that can't wait till tomorrow, I love you, let's have a wonderful slumber. Nothing matters more than here and now.” he says and switches of his bedside lamp.
Ok, that's officially weird. She turns in and he squeezes her in an embrace of the deepest affection. Her sixth sense have never been wrong so far and now it's screaming warnings at her. A level of distress which she's experiencing for the first time. There is definitely something wrong, but she decides to give it a rest. Let's leave it to another copy-paste-tomorrow.

INTERLUDE: the finder

Hey I’m talking to you, snap out of it!.. You still ain’t got enough of that steamroller bullshit? Okay, as you wish. You might ask how the drivers are more unfortunate, when they’re guilty of rolling over innocent people? Seriously? Man, you gotta love that blindfold of yours... Have you heard nothing about conventional reality? It’s like Japanese beer. It itself is real, but it’s content - pure illusion. Though certainly not a cheap one... To tell you the truth, you need to understand how the “game” works. Almost everyone in this world thinks that we all live in the same world, same reality. That there is basically one steamroller and the ones riding on it are different from the ones on the road. And that’s the biggest mistake and also how the game begins, kid. That’s how we enter the rabbit hole. Ask the old Italian smart-ass, Einsteino! We all make our own conventional realities which aren’t the same, yet they overlap in a sense. So despite most of us think we are either driving the steamroller or sitting somewhere on it as passengers or at least clinging to it as stowaways and others are just losers blocking our way, from their point of view they are those on the steamroller and we are the collateral. And each time we roll over someone, they roll over us. We feel the effects, yet we only see our own illusion, our version of the story. In other words, it’s like trying to chew on a hedgehog. I’m sure that cute little guy won’t like it, but trust me, in the end, you’ll like it even less. You see - you are responsible for the fruits of your actions, as they are for theirs. That way, there can be no “hurt” in you, no matter what anyone else does to you. There is no true guilt. Only cause and effect.

CHAPTER 5: the seeker

They left. I was there standing in the middle of the settlement. People were passing around me, going about their daily lives. Apparently, I wasn't gonna become food after all. But what now? I no longer had any doubt that this, indeed were the wastelands. Desolate places inhabited by the descendants of those who long time ago had refused to be part of the Successful Society and thus freely chose to stay forever forsaken and miserable. And now, I wound up to be one of them. For the first time since the implied crossing I remembered to check my perk. It was black. That was officially it - I was done. Forever. No one who has ever let their perk go black, has any chance to live a life. I broke down crying on the dusty ground. The thing itself wasn't anything unexpected for already some time, but I guess my subconscious had still lived in a naive hope. My poor being was left at mercy of the elements, both figuratively and literally.

Suddenly I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. "It's OK, it will pass." I heard a voice of a little girl.
"What do you mean?" came out of me spontaneously. "That's what we say in difficult times."
You mean more than this? appeared in my mind, but I managed to keep silent.
"Are you hungry?" she continued. As a matter of fact, now when the biggest distress started to wear off, the realization that I hadn't eaten anything the whole day was slowly making itself known - presuming, of course, that it's been only a day since I was been taken.
"Yes, I am", I replied, with almost a hint of surprise.
"Come with me, then" she said and took my hand. She led me through narrow streets, among tents and makeshift buildings. We entered one at the end of a street. "Mom, dad, we have a guest for dinner!" Her parents were around, chopping wood and making dinner.
"Hello, welcome" said her mother (presumably) who was a very calm looking lady dressed in old long and jaded garments. Even more so than old master Wu. But to be fair, everyone around here were. I still had a long way getting used to this place. A part of me hadn't given up hope that I wouldn't have to, but the blackness of my perk, although fully silent, spoke volumes about the definitiveness of my exile.
"Where do you come from?" the lady continued.
"Freezone" I replied.
"Where's that?" she asked.
"Over the barrier" I said tastelessly.
"Oh... You must be hungry." she said with a warm smile.

I felt puzzled again.It was probably the first time I ever had to think about my origin. The first time I've been in the company of someone of a different origin than myself. Even the idea itself was so strange. It occurred to me how unusual is leaving the habitation complex on its own... It's not forbidden or anything but there's truly no real need to ever do so. Since its conception, the whole thing was made to be fully self-sufficient and thus serve to prepare us for living in a similar complex that's being constructed in orbit. An epic exodus, which is scheduled to be a mere one generation away.

"But before we eat," added the older lady "please come with me. We need to clean you up a little. That's interesting ran through my mind. One would think that barbarians don't mind a little dirt... But I was truly grateful. It was about that time when the realization of my actual physical condition came to say hi. "Thank you..." I said modestly. She took me outside and led me to another building. It was filled with showers. "There, use this soap" she handed me a little round thing. "What is it?" I asked.
"It's soap. We use it with water. First, you sprinkle yourself, then apply soap all over you, then wash it away with water again."
"Wait... What do you mean... water? You don't use sonic showers?"
"No" she replied with a smile. "We use water with soap. Like in old times."
Of course. Dark ages. "Thank you".
"One more thing..." she added. "Be careful, it's slippery".

As a matter of fact, I was starting to remember the documentaries we used to watch at school about life in the dark ages. There was actually a segment about hygiene - at least they called it that. It reminded me of an important detail - one would go in naked, like in a swimming pool. Thus I took off my garments and stepped in. In a string of old memories, our teacher was explaining to us how primitive and ineffective was using water and fatty acid salts to break the chemical bonds of dirt. And how it didn't really work and everyone used to stink pretty bad although no one would notice, because they were all used to it. How it took four world wars for human to become civilized. Boy, oh boy... However - to be fully honest, I sure wasn't used to it and the only stinker I could smell was my modest self. So maybe it wasn't fully accurate after all. Hence I decided to give it a try.

When I felt sufficiently decontaminated, I stopped the water and went out through the curtain. There was a towel with piece of paper saying: 'Dry yourself with this.' As if I don't know what towel is... Next to it lied a folded set of new clothes. Good idea. I put the new garments on. It consisted of plain pants, a shirt and a vest. They were made of simple fabrics, but the sensation was quite different. They much more resembled what master Wu wears. I wondered what he'd say about my adventures if he could see me. Probably nothing - he'd smile warmly and let me learn from it on my own.

Next, After returning to the house, dinner was already being distributed. "Very good, you look handsome" said the father with a smile. "Thank you so much!" I said but my attention got pulled in by a smoking bowl of noodles and vegetables on the table in front of me. I was fully aware, that barbarians eat wild flora and fauna. When we were kids, we often pretended to dine like barbarians - with grass, tree bark and stones in our bowls, so it didn't take me by surprise. To be honest, to my senses, it even smelled good and compelling, but a particular one of them - the sense of self-preservation was screaming alerts all over the board.
"I'm sorry, I have to ask - where do you produce food? Do you have genetic factories?"
The lady looked me a bit surprised, but not startled. "Right here, we grow them in the fields."
"You mean hydroponics?" still couldn't figure out the whole thing."
"No, in the fields. You put seeds in the ground, wait for a few months and they'll grow and ripen."
"You mean like in the dark ages? Out in the open?"
"Yes, out in the open, like in almost all of humanity's history."
"No, that's not right, everyone knows eating wild, genetically uncured food causes all sorts of diseases... Cancer, dementia, syphilis... If you really consumed wild food, you wouldn't last two generations!" My chest tightened by that thought. I wouldn't dare to touch that bowl, no matter how tasty it looked. Instead I grabbed my backpack, and took out my rations as the others were watching me with a sincere curiousness in their faces.
"Wow, they really did a number of you, son" the father said while I was putting protein and mineral powder in my own little bowl. I took a cup of water which they gave me and poured it in my canteen. After a few seconds a green light announced the content being purified and ready to use. I emptied it in the bowl. Then I took a small taste-inducer and pointed it at the bowl. The display said 'beef pudding with raisins'.

Undisturbed, I looked up to their faces. They were all watching me while showing a big portion of disbelief. Finally, the little girl decided to weigh in. "Is it true that you live there over the fence as slaves?"
"Not at all!" I replied defensively.
"That you are like animals living in a zoo" she was utterly undisturbed by my reaction.
"No, our habitat is called Freezone - that means, we are free."
"Free to leave?" she continued her apparent witch hunt.
"Of course. I'm here, ain't I?"
"So you're going back?"
"No..."
"Why not?"
"I can't." She stayed silent watching my defense crumble. I took the opportunity to tend to my dinner.
"I wouldn't eat that if I were you..." the father said just as I was about to begin.
"Why?" I looked up hesitantly.
"Your badge's black, son."
"So?"
"You're banished."
"Yeah" it pained me, but I had to admit. "But what's that got to do with it?" A string of cold sweat drops was beginning to drip down my spine.
"Means that gizmo of yours is programmed to spike your water in such an event."
"You're kidding..." Here came the metallic taste again.
"You're welcome to try, but I've seen it before... You're not the only one to run away, you know." he smiled amicably.
"No... no, no..." I sighed helplessly. "What I'm gonna do..."
"Well, first, stop believing the bullshit your zookeepers put in your brain. Second, have your self a good dinner." He pushed the still smoking bowl closer to me.
"Are you sure it's not gonna poison me?" My body couldn't help but put up a last bit of resistance.
"No, but I'm quite positive that thing will." - he pointed at my water purifier.
"Well, once again, fuck you, sir, fuck you very much." I silently declared my resignation. It's not that I'd just believe a barbaric stranger, but deep down I'd always worried something like that was to be fully expected. Fok.

The last remaining resistance quickly evaporated and I took the bowl and started eating. At first, the taste was truly weird. Wasn't bad, though. Just that every piece of it tasted a bit different than I had been used to. After a while, wow. My body was overwhelmed. They didn't say anything and let me process it on my own. I'm sure I must have looked like and infant experiencing everything for the first time.

After we finished, the mother took our dishes and carried them outside. Maybe they share the recycler with other families. I stayed there all melancholic.
"Feeling homesick?" asked the little girl.
"Yea, very."
"Why did you leave?"
"I had to...go on a spiritual journey"
"A journey where?" she kept snooping
"To find something." I made a pause... "The meaning of life, I guess."
"Really? Where is it?"
"I dunno."
"And how does it look like?"
"Dunno that either" I was starting to realize my biggest problem so far...
"But how are you gonna find it then?"
I shrugged, eyes wide open, incapable of showing anything more than disbelief. "No clue."
"You'll find it, I'm sure." Her tone suddenly changed from inquisitive to soothing. Under normal circumstances, I'd try to investigate that remark, but I was too exhausted.
"You can sleep here with us." The mother said warmly coming back from outside. My first thought was to say that I should be heading back home, but managed to catch it before it could reach my voice box. Instead, I said only "Thank you".
"Don't worry, you'll like it here soon enough" she replied in a soothing voice.

Soon after, they put the table aside, swept the floor, brought mattresses from somewhere and rolled them out on the floor. They were made of textile, not foam. I still wasn't sure I hadn't made a journey through time. Or, perhaps, to some kind of open-air time capsule museum. I refused to believe this was still the year 154 E.S. Although there was not much to do about it at the moment. Hence I didn't complain and gratefully turned in after a truly exhausting day.

The day in the village - how I decided to call it - began early. I was woken up by the father's voice but to be honest, I felt like having slept not more than an hour. I was still half dead after everything I had gone through. Instead, I turned to the other side as a gesture of refusal.
"Give me your hand" I heard the mother's voice from behind me. I didn't want to comply, but she grabbed it herself. To my half sleeping mind's surprise, she didn't try dragging me out of bed, but merely gently wrapped her hand around my wrist.
"You have weak digestion, son... Show me your tongue."
"You're a doctor?" I asked.
"Yes, I am." she replied.
"You have...medicine?" came out of me in awe.
"Yes, we do." she said without any hint of disturbance what so ever. Well, dunno where I am, but definitely not where I thought I was - I had to admit to myself. Without further complaining, I opened my mouth.

Surprisingly, she let me sleep and went away. She came back later and brought with her a small smoking bowl which she made me drink. It was truly terrible, some kind of bitter concoction which quite frankly made my skin crawl. But she surely wasn't the negotiating type, so I had little choice but drink it all. When I was done, she released me from her scrutiny and I collapsed back to bed. Amazingly, after a mere few moments I began to feel warmth coming from my stomach and flowing to my whole body. The coldness I had felt earlier was completely gone along with much of the fatigue. Fascinating.

A little while later I was able to stand up. Slowly I went outside to take a look around. It truly felt like in a virtual museum. The settlement was very lively. I took a stroll among the great many tents and makeshift buildings. There wasn't much wood around in the surrounding dry and rocky landscape of bushes and mangroves, so the structures were mostly made of aluminum plates, insulated with glassy foam and hard canvas. Then there were the round yurts - I remembered that name from school. They were really big sometimes. A home for a big family with room to spare. I couldn't help but peek inside as I went by. Everything was actually bigger and more decorated than I was used to. I couldn't help but notice that everyone around was very polite and nice to each other including me. Kids were playing everywhere, running around, elders would sit in groups talking and eating breakfast. ...Breakfast! Looks like I forgot something.

Probably to no one's surprise, I was then confronted with the inevitable fact of being clueless about the way back. Quite, I'd say, understandably I hadn't been paying too much attention to my whereabouts when the little girl led me to her house and this morning the situation wasn't significantly dissimilar when I didn't even bother to look around my point of origin. I tried to retrace my steps, but wasn't able to make it more than a few blocks back. Smooooth... And then I remembered one important fact I had learned that morning. "Excuse me," I said to an elder sitting at the side of the street drinking his tea. "I'm looking for an older lady - a doctor." He observed me very thoroughly as though he were looking at an actual extraterrestrial.
"You're not from around here, son, are you?" He took his scrutiny to a verbal level.
"No. I'm not" I replied. He kept observing me a little longer, after which he stood up and said "Come with me."
"Oh, thank you, but you don't have to - if you, perhaps, just gave me directions..." I hastened to argue. He didn't say anything and just gestured me to follow him. We went across a few streets, zigzagged among tents and without much of a delay, we were standing in front of a house that indeed looked familiar. I thanked my spontaneous guide and went inside. The family was just finishing breakfast. "Sorry, I got lost." I said apologetically, but they just showed me to sit at the table and the father served me another smoking bowl. This time it was filled with rice and something yellow-whitish on top of it. "What is it?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Scrambled eggs" He replied.
"Eggs?!" I looked at him, eyes wide open. "Like with babies??" Here we go again...
"No babies, just eggs." OK, I learnt my lesson, I have no choice but trust them.
"OK, Thank you." I bowed my head and started eating. It was actually pretty good.

Soon after breakfast the mother looked at me and said: "I have some errands to run, would you help me?"
"Yes, of course!" I replied without hesitation.
"If you have questions, I'll be happy to answer" she continued amicably, to which I nodded.
"But first, take this basket for me, please." She handed me a big round full basket with a ropy shoulder straps attached to it. I put it on and followed her outside, where she took on a similar but empty one and we set out for a stroll down the main road. I couldn't wait much longer.
"Excuse me," I started. "...but what happened here? She gave me a What do you mean? look. "We learn at school that the wastelands are inhabited by savage hostile people but from what I've seen, apart from the technology, you don't seem very savage..." I was going for the least offensive way to formulate it. "Do you eat people when they die?"
"No, son, we don't. She didn't seem offended at all. But I still felt puzzled, so I told her what I saw in the cage.
"I think you had a concussion, you must have hallucinated." she told me sincerely.
"It's true I was pretty out of it." I had to admit. "But why would the Society think you're savages?"
"We aren't savages, son. A long time ago we've just chosen a different path. Your Society gave us an ultimatum which we refused. I wasn't there, but my grandparents were. I remember hearing the stories about the exodus. It wasn't pretty." She suddenly made a pause. "We're here. First stop." She pointed at the house in front of us.

It was similar to the others, but from its far side there was smoke climbing upward along with a very strange and irritating smell which I've had never experienced in my life. And that was exactly where we were headed. There in a small yard, an actual blacksmith was working on an actual forge. Amazing... I've noticed a slight shift in my attitude since yesterday. I seemed to be much less worried by every new-old thing and much more impressed by the living history.

"Hello there!" she said.
"Good morning, master" the man greeted her with a smile. Master?
"Got the medicine for you. How's the rash?"
"Still there a bit, but much better now."
"Very good. Continue these pills for 2 more months. And eat some gurkuma with pepper, will ya?"
"Thank you, you're a savior!" he said while she just smiled at him. "By the way, have your hammer ready." he quickly added.
"Thank you!" she replied. He went back inside and came back in a moment, bringing with him a strange rod with one of its tips bent into right angle. A very weird shape for a hammer.
"What is it?" I asked my trademark question.
"It's called a golden hammer. Used for curing certain kinds of diseases.Wow. At this point, I totally believed her. There was no longer any doubt that she is very educated and on the top of that profoundly wise. Somehow I couldn't imagine her inner strength budging even one inch. We said goodbye to the blacksmith.
"What's wrong with him?" I asked when we were on the road again.
"His lungs and liver are weak."
"Hm,the smoke's really bad..." I agreed. "Can you help him?"
"I believe so, at least partially." she smiled. "May I ask you something?"
"Of course, please!" I insisted.
"How is life over there?"
"We have a completely self sufficient habitats of the size of a whole city. It's designed to sustain and tend to every need of the best and brightest of humanity, so we can extend our civilization to the whole Solar system and beyond." I cited the speech which we had memorized at the beginning of the first grade. She only shortly hummed in response. She didn't ask anything else but I answered anyway - "I don't know why I left..."
"Maybe, you were looking for something." she said gently.
"I guess I was... I know I was." I admitted. "Is all gone now" couldn't help but add.
"Maybe." she said looking at the horizon.

* * *

I tried as much as I could to appear as though nothing had happened. Two weeks had passed since our ambivalent encounter and I was back at master Wu's doorstep. This time not alone, though. It was the right day of the week for a meditation class and there was about fifteen more people waiting for the lesson to begin. One could have thought that after my first contact went so smoothly, there could be no chance for a do over, but after my bruised ego had healed a little, something within me just wouldn't leave it alone. I simply had to know. Had to know, if there's more. More of what, you mas ask - well, that's an excellent question to which I had no answer. At least for the moment. Somehow I was becoming obsessed with a forest. Well, not any forest, to be clear. A particular forest. The one from my vision from long time ago.

I had managed to let it go for a part of my life getting busy being an engineer as well as something of a garden designer. I would get up in the morning, get myself a breakfast and coffee from the dispenser, take a sonic shower and go about checking and signing off on different kind of repairs to be executed by maintenance droids. I wasn't doing any heavy lifting though. The process was fully automated and my part was merely an extra layer of oversight - a human eye touch, if you will. A redundant one, to be honest - I don't recall any actual mishap on the droids' side ever happening. After I was done, I would help with designing the natural spaces of the new O'Neill cylinder currently being built in orbit. The rest of the day, I'd spend around hydroponics or one of the natural reserves of the complex. Among trees of the lush green ecosystem, daydreaming and reading old treatises of Confucius, Carl Marx, etc. My life was easy and comfortable.

Although the whole Society was built on the notion of success - and such slogans were basically never too far from anyone's sight, there was, to be honest, not much to do. Almost every aspect of life was automated, birthrate heavily regulated - most of births were being postponed until humanity reaches Omicron Eridani. It was an intermediate state between the old earth-bound and the new space-faring civilization. Over and all, since everything went as planned, over time even the success had become automated and despite the visual propaganda never faded, the atmosphere was pretty relaxed. There wasn't much to achieve for living humans, only wait for the glory to come.

If you asked me, I was bored. The majority would spend their time going about their learnt routines and in serotonin baths. However, as for me, I was still seeking something else. Something connected to this world. Had I told anyone, I'd be considered a complete fool. The planet was a thing of the past. It used to be humanity's cradle and only home for a long time but not anymore. Now, it was slowly serving out its purpose, thus it wasn't desirable to occupy one's self with it. That would be dwelling on the past - which was one of the main designated obstruction to success.

And there I was. Waiting to learn how to meditate with a group of about fifteen other people. I was wondering about their motivations...
"Welcome" master Wu said kindly to all of us after appearing in the door of his modest dwelling. We all bowed and greeted him back. Then we proceeded to his lawn where there were small sitting mats waiting for each of us. We all took our places and sat crosslegged. "Don't forget to keep your back straight and chin tucked in. Leave your eyes open, breathe naturally through your nose and rest your tongue freely in your mouth. Don't expect or wish for anything special to happen." Great, what are we doing here, then... "Stay and observe anything that occurs" he continued. "If you can do just this, you will see your true mind."

To be honest, it sounded a mite anticlimactic. But if I don't listen, I won't find out a voice of logic suddenly appeared in my head. "Observe your thoughts and don't try to change them, don't try to push them away. Great, so I am to sit and do nothing. Why bother coming here then... But finally, I decided to play along. There was nothing going on and thus I didn't expect anything from it. I listened to the breeze gently blowing in the trees and then to my own breath. It wasn't bad, actually. After a while, I found it very enjoyable. My concentration was almost effortless. Slowly, I was becoming able to observe everything as though from above. When a thought appeared from somewhere, I was there too, watching it appear, then linger for a while and finally dissipate into nothing. It was truly fascinating. I felt, for the lack of a better word, free. I didn't feel any compulsion to act on my thoughts and feelings like I normally do, I could just watch then as though they were someone else's. I don't know how long we were sitting there and I didn't care. I was like a child watching and aquarium of little fish for the first time, watching them swim back and forth without any drama. There was a high pitched sound. I observed it like everything else. But then I noticed that everyone around me was making sound and standing up. The session was over. I felt so... vast. I just went home and fell asleep right away.

The next morning, I woke up full of enthusiasm. I did my morning routine and went to work. We met with a longtime colleague and a friend of mine and wound up checking power relays in the Great Park, which was basically a mini jungle. There was a notice of the new organic circuits misbehaving or something. Nevertheless, I was still full of excitement from the previous evening and intensely felt like sharing. With her, I felt secure to do so. We've known each other intimately since adolescence. She was truly nice and kind. She was tall, long black hair with a dark-reddish complexion and deep affectionate eyes. She smiled. "Wow, I've always thought that the wind could send you this way" she noted after I told her the summary of yesterday's events.
"Really?" I was surprised.
"Yea, I guess so." Interesting. I've always considered myself an introvert. "So, are you going back?" she continued.
"Yep, definitely." I quickly insisted.
"Just don't expect it to be the same thrill as before" she then added.
"What do you mean?" I stared at her.
"Nothing, just saying" she shrugged. I wondered about her reaction for a bit, but it just didn't make any sense, so I let it go. We continued our relay run, found the weird gelpacks, scanned them and sent the data to the mainframe for analysis. All as routine as ever. Then we checked for blindspots in the surveillance network. That was the fun part. As it goes, every now and then we'd find one big enough for the two of us to fit in snugly. Not that anything we'd do required any kind of secrecy - the old biological taboos of the past were all gone. We did it just for the thrill. Now thinking back, I used to really enjoy those days of such a pleasant routine so much, even despite that sneaky little feeling of something missing, which manifested as a sense of boredom. Well, until that point at least.

Frankly, my meditation experience really changed something in me. Even afterwards, I would still feel much calmer and definitely much more interested in my own consciousness, if you will. Moreover, It made me really feel good as a member of the Society because I was being successful in my effort. Oh, thank you, master Wu, now I see I was indeed wrong about you. Like this, I will successfully find my answers in no time. I couldn't wait t till next week's session.

The week went by and I was once again finding myself on master Wu's doorstep waiting for the class to begin. As before, he appeared before us, greeted us kindly and invited us to the mats. We bowed to him at took our places in silence. He observed us carefully. "Do not forget to keep your back straight and concentrate on your natural breathing. Always through your nose. Let go of the grip on your thoughts and expectations." I felt thrilled and my heart was pumping. I was sitting crosslegged, left hand resting on the right one, concentrating on my breathing, waiting for the shear broadness of the mind to present itself. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out, in, out. It was so good the last time - at points I could even see my thoughts being born and get a glimpse of them before even taking shape. This is gonna be a huge success! Again, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. Made me smile a little. Look at me, succeeding in meditation! "Dinnnnng" - the bell signalizing the end sounded. Wait a minute... that can't be right. What?!

Everyone slowly stood up, bowed and began to move out. I did the same but inside, I was completely out of phase, clueless about what just happened. It didn't make any sense. I didn't feel any broadening of the senses like last time. How can it be over? I haven't achieved success yet! I wanted to scream. Suddenly, something that I haven't had experienced for a long time - a metallic taste of fear made its way to my mouth. I imagined my token going copper. I instinctively looked down but it was still gold. That was close... I remembered my elementary school days memorizing one of the most important speeches by The Emissary. She was standing on a stage in her spectacular brocade cloak which The New World Order used to wear back in the day. She was really stunning. Pale face, thin long neck mostly covered but with eyes full of focus, explaining the workings of the tokens in the context of achieving greatness not merely for individuals but for humanity as a whole. "We all have to pitch in otherwise we'll fall back into the dark ages of the previous era. Once in space, failure will not be an option we could effort, thus performing any task at less than hundred percent may result in ending our humankind. Therefore, we have to set the bar no lower than the ultimate maximum and adapt to it by any means necessary." One could almost hear the crowd gasp. "But do not fear! We are a society built on togetherness and compassion. For the time being, everyone will be allowed one mishap. But remember, we all need to work together no matter what. Only then we'll be able to fulfill our moral obligation - to ensure Humanity's survival."

Oh, The Emissary. So wise and caring. She was a living embodiment of loving kindness. In time she became legendary and indeed, there are many legends about her. She would always appear with her face covered - people would say that it signified giving up individualism for the benefit of the Whole. She was called 'Supreme Mother - the one who gave up her own family and made all of humanity her own children'. She stood right at the beginning and was the voice of virtue for the new Era of Success. If it weren't for her, the New World Order wouldn't stand a chance. Since childhood, they would always warn us not to fail to succeed and thus taint the legacy of our Mother. Remembering that, my chest got tight again. Although my rational mind was telling me that no one really cared about my meditation experience, so there was no real danger to my life, it still felt terribly wrong.

* * *

"Yeah. I was definitely looking for something." I said out of the blue. That time we had already distributed few more packs with medicines and took more supplies including vegetables, protein bars, power cells and water filters but I continued being steeped in my own thoughts and didn't pay much attention. The mother as always smiled without any sign of disturbance. She and master Wu were definitely of the same kind.
"OK, we're done for the day, let's head home", she decided. I judged we might had been out for about two hours. For the bigger part of the way home, I was trying to remember what I was actually searching for. Peace of mind? - yea, that's working out awesome...

By the looks of this place, here everyone's well-being and perhaps even life itself inherently depended on great many profoundly unsure factors. Sun, rain, storms, hale, floods, drought... Exactly the dangers which our Society had long managed to take out of the equation. She's basically said that they had been given an opportunity to be part of the Successful Society, but they turned it down, sentencing themselves and all their descendants to a life in miserable uncertainty. Who does that! Savages? Primitives? However, I had already seen enough to be sure that they were neither. Nor were they in any sense lazy or selfishly narrow-minded - quite the opposite. So why then... To put it simply, I didn't get it at all. She must have meant the unification campaigns by The Emissary - the one who had never even for a second stood for anything else than the highest good of the whole humankind. How foolish must one become to refuse something like that... That truly was lacking even the slightest hint of adding up.

At that point I had already arrived at a firm resolution to get to the bottom of this mystery, for I was refusing to believe it was that straightforward. I needed to get more information, to snoop around and find out as much as I could. Maybe, just maybe, they used to be savage once, but in time they slowly changed. What if there's a chance for them to reintegrate, so that they could be once again members of the Successful Society and enjoy all the benefits...and me as well!

I was beginning to feel my whole body being filled with a new sensation. Now, I had a mission. The sensation hatching within me was invigoration. I had a purpose, therefore I had hope. What if this was what I was meant to do here all along? After all, I didn't run away - I didn't cross the barrier willingly! I didn't give up my token! I sacrificed it - my own well-being so I could help these once upon a time savages find their way back home. Now, that's what I call an achievement! Oh, that felt so great. So empowering. All anxiety was gone in an instant as though it was purified by the mind of Success. I was positive that I must had been chosen By the commitée for this mission, which explains the complete lack of resistance and obstructions in leaving the complex and crossing the barrier. Wait a minute - that means my water ain't spiked! "Yupiiiii!" I suddenly found myself jumping in the air. A part of the buzzing crowd around us apparently took notice and rewarded me with amused gazes.
"Have you finally found what you were looking for?" The mother gave me a smiling look.
"As a matter of fact, I think I did. At least partially." The newly found smile on my face wasn't going away anytime soon.

We arrived home with time to spare till lunchtime. In the kitchen, the rest of the family was dancing around preparing vegetables, rice and plant-based meat. Nevertheless, no need to say that my desire was already set on something else. I didn't say anything to anyone, because I figured that it'll be better when they see for themselves. I took my backpack and went outside. First, I fished out my canteen, filled it with water and subsequently activated the purifying process. It chimed affirmatively and began working. After about thirty seconds, it chimed again, notifying me that the water was ready. I'd never thought such a simple and natural thing would become truly heaven-sent. Next, I took out my bowl and after removing the lid poured the water and added the powder. It fizzed and rose for a while before settling in the state of thick foam gratin. Lunch was ready. Boy! Finally a clean meal... It tasted really good. Melted on my tongue with a grace and nonchalance of a top-notch acrobatic ice skater. I can't begin to describe how good it felt. I leaned against the house wall, my body, speech and mind fully giving into the culinary rapture. Never had I ever enjoyed food this much.

After a while the rapture wore off enough for me to be able to stand again. I slowly packed all back in and went inside as though nothing had happened. The others were already setting the table and filling their bowls. I just said that I wasn't hungry and will eat later. Instead I went to look around the room where I couldn't but notice a wooden shelf in the corner, inside of which were, get this: paper books! I had never held a paper book in my hand before. Took it out and opened it. It was fascinating, turning paper pages, the smell... Stared into it for a while, but somehow couldn't tell the letters apart. For some reason, they were blurred and all over the place. It was weird enough on its own, but soon after I felt a strong cramp in my stomach which quickly turned into sheer pain. Then suddenly all sounds around me felt like coming from a distance. I heard a voice - probably the mother shouting something, but couldn't tell what. Then a bitter taste in my mouth and I was forced to swallow. I didn't mind, though. At that moment, I the discomfort had mostly receded and I felt light as a breeze, as though I was spreading my consciousness through the whole world.

When I woke up, I was lying in the bed. At first, I tried to open my eyes, but the light was unbearable. I guess it took me quite a few minutes to come to. I noticed something wet on my forehead. Tried to turn my head and saw a bowl lying next to it. I tried to move, which although wasn't utterly impossible, after a while proved significantly inefficient. Next in line was an attempt for a vocal queue. Turned out a whisper was all there was on the menu at the time. So I decided to give it a rest. Still wasn't sure what happened. Trying to remember was exhausting enough on its own. We went on a supply run but then it got blurry... Something about getting a mission from The Emissary herself. Once again, I tried to get up, but no chance. Moreover, the effort totally exhausted all the strength I got, so I must have fallen half-asleep.

* * *

I also started having strange dreams. Sometimes only glimpses sometimes full scenes of rocky landscapes and more and more about an opening in a mountain wall. That part was gradually becoming vivid. Same as some kind of a vanishing image of a forest... But there was something special about that particular forest. It was huge to the point that it seemed to have no beginning and no end. Vast trees and bushes teeming with life, lakes, springs all kinds of animals and the whole place seemed to be in a total harmony and serenity. It felt like i was spending there a long time. Each day as I woke up I’d walk on searching for something to search. It was both strange and fascinating but I knew those dreams are signs showing me the goal of my journey whatever it was. If only I could formulate it. The only thing that was consistent was the mountain opening. I felt anxious, afraid of failing to find it... So I went on from place to place trying to unveil every secret, discover every sign though usually with little or no luck. I was getting tired of that pointless roaming... That certainly wasn’t how I used to picture something as sacred as a spiritual journey. Little by little my doubts were raising. Was it for nothing? Perhaps it will all become one big bulshit and I’m only making things up. Maybe I’ll get back without having learned anything and accomplish nothing. With that embarrassing sense of an impossible burden, I collapsed on a park bench near a bridge across a small river.

“Having a bad day, are we?” Said a strange voice of a man sitting near.I hadn’t even realized that he was there while being too preoccupied with my personal despair.
  “Oh hey, hello, sorry I didn’t realize...”
“Nah, it happens... Are you sure you couldn’t use a pint?”
“No thank you. I gotta look awful but I’m not there yet...” I made my attempt of a grin.
“Hmmm, that’s sad.” he said looking at the horizon. I started to notice this peculiar guy...
“So what are you after?” he went on.
“If I only knew that."
“Man... that sucks donkey balls!”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you give up then?" He said out of the blue.
“What? Do you know something I don’t?"
“Nah... But you look as pathetic as everyone else... Perhaps even more. So I presumed... meaning of life stuff?"
"FUCK YOU!” My ego jammed its mental sword into that guy. “I’m done with that!”
“That bad, hm?” He smiled sweetly.
“Yeah.” I replied.
“Looks like you are stuck in here till you figure out what you’re after... Looking at you, you better get comfortable.” He laughed really hard and then took his cane and went his own way.

I continued sitting there totally overwhelmed, perplexed by this strange being who could see right through me despite having met for a mere brief moment. I better get comfortable... No way in hell! My mind kept replaying this talk and examining it.I am stuck, ignorant of my own destination. Why don’t I just give up? So what am I after?

Suddenly, like being hit by lightning I jumped up in the air, screaming in the direction of his leaving silhouette. “I am looking for the Spirit of the forest!!!”
“She’s in plain sight, yet nowhere to be found!” His voice’s echo came resonating from afar. Wait... What??!

It was still dark when I woke up screaming. What a strange dream... I was left with a sensation of which I couldn’t make heads or tails. Deeply puzzled and relieved in the same time. Nothing seemed to make sense at the moment. Only after some time when my brain started to work at least partially, those feelings have become clearer and finally I understood the cause of my relief. Now I was somehow aware of my goal. It came to me in a dream again. A prophetic dream, perhaps of divine origins. It felt so good! I looked around, trying to determine my location in space and time. I was in a forest. Also, I felt extremely well rested, so I must have had dosed off pretty early the previous day. I couldn’t even remember entering that forest... An obvious exhaustion from those months of chasing my own tail. How ignorant I had been... I collected myself and started walking, full of interest about this almost magical place full of life and scents which felt like moments before dawn, although I was still deeply puzzled about that strange and vivid dream.

After some time it almost started to feel odd. I had no clue about how I had gotten so deep in the forest, that I didn't seem to be able to find a way out. Despite all that, this mystery proved to leave no trace of bad feelings about this place whatsoever. It was peaceful, it was beautiful. As though it existed somewhere else and not in this confused and crazy world of even more confused and crazy ours. Something within me began to feel a tremendous wave of relief and euphoria. Was this what they call “spontaneous enlightenment”??? Wow, everything bothering my mind until then just magically disappeared. All that was left - calmness, clarity, euphoria.

No matter how much I tried to identify what’s so peculiar about this particular place, this particular forest, I couldn’t pinpoint even the outskirts of it. She’s hidden in plain sight, yet nowhere to be found. I was sitting in all human silence, listening to everything around me, deeply fascinated by the immense strength of the calmness-in-action teeming everywhere from horizon to horizon. Loosing track of time, I realized another peculiar thing. The sun wasn’t moving. There was indeed something different about this place. In plain sight, yet nowhere to be found... Finally, my own delusion struck me in the face, right where I deserved it. I was such an idiot. The freaking answer was there the whole freaking time! Then, in less than a second, I came to realize the most freaking obvious of freaking facts.

She looked at me with a hint of a smile that was coming more from her eyes than anywhere else. Her eyes were immensely calm, equanimous, yet in the same time warm and welcoming. She was sitting there lacking any apparent gesture other than a mere affirmation of my presence. Everything about her was breathtaking and beyond comparison to anyone I have ever seen - even till this day.
“If you are looking for something that lasts forever, you are looking at the wrong places” she said, without ever taking her eyes off her teapot.
“I never said I’m looking for something that lasts forever... How can something last forever? That’s impossible, right?...” She just smiled and tended to her tea. All her moves were perfectly balanced and thought through. She was holding that teacup as though it were a precious newborn bird fallen from a tree. I took the cup from her hand, still fascinated by everything about her.
“Where do you come from?” involuntarily came out of my mouth.
“Right here.” She didn’t seem to mind.
“Like that? Really?” I was a bit shocked.
“You know, you are not the first one to ask that question.” And then I woke up... Damn...

* * *

The room was dark and when I looked around, everyone was sleeping. Tried moving my head and it worked. Left hand, right hand, both reported as functional. Legs didn't object either. Wow, must have been out for quite a while. I already felt much better, but my memories were hazy at best. Slowly, I tried to piece together what actually happened. It was coming back little by little, although still, I was a bit unsure whether it was yet another dream, or that pesky little reality I had been enjoying so much before. For the time being, the sole fact that the scenery around me wouldn't change just because I willed it to had to be enough. But then something really began to sink in. I saw her again. I freakin' saw her again!!! So many years I had been waiting, hoping she'll make good on her promise, but not a glimpse... Not a single dream the whole time. And it sure wasn't due to lack of trying. I'd lived a successful life, made a good member of the Society but ever since my childhood, she wouldn't show up. Then I betray my whole kind, leave all my successful life behind and guess what... Yeah, even I could see the signs. As she'd put it the first time - I was in the right place. Apparently.

It didn't take long and I heard movement. It was the mother, she sat up on her bed crosslegged and didn't move. Made sense. I tried to sit up as well and surprisingly it worked better then one would expect and despite a certain sense of subtle weakness still present in my body, for the time being it seemed OK. I sat crosslegged as well, facing her and as expected she didn't budge one bit and continued on in full concentration. It took some more time, but eventually the father would wake up too and join us in the same position. We were sitting as though it was our natural daily routine. For them it evidently was. For me, it used to, and I was about time to renew the tradition. The last one to wake up and take the posture was their daughter. For a while all four of us would continued meditating, until they all began reciting something for a few minutes. After they finished, the morning preparations took place. All without talking, well rehearsed and smooth. I tried to help, but they merely gestured me to take it easy after what I'd been through - to which, pragmatically speaking, it wasn't my place to object. Hence I watched them bring the table and make breakfast.

There was little point in arguing that I was indeed poisoned by my water purifier. So I told them about my previous ideas, which quite frankly, made them all laugh really hard. Although to be perfectly honest, I strongly suspected that the little girl was laughing more with them than at me. Though the comedy part of my shear naivete was in no way lost on me either so we all enjoyed a long diaphragm massage before we could continue talking.

"So you came here to civilize us, son?" The father was the first one to attempt at sharing a bit more coherent thought, although he was still looking and sounding like in a permanent seizure. But just a bit later, the conversation continued on much serious note.
"You know, we do have our own accounts of what happened" said the mother.
"And?" I asked eagerly. "You haven't negotiated directly with The Emissary? She would never let you down!"
"Well, not us, but our ancestors did. There indeed was a girl once who represented that which subsequently turned into your 'Society'..."
"Really? Wow, she must have been magnificent!"
"Yes, she tried to sweet-talk them into submission, promising basically a cubical in some wannabe space zoo and when it didn't work out, she came back with bulldozers and destroyed everything they had. Hence, we are here.

INTERLUDE: the finder

...Oh, you're waiting for some more of my wisdom? Sorry, I'm on vacation. See you 'round, kid.

CHAPTER 6: the girl

“You did WHAT?” she half whispers in complete awe. Her heart feels almost lifeless. She is sitting on the floor, leaning on the wall of that mighty building that has been her place in the world, her future, her dream. Still in shock, she's trying to replay everything that just happened.
“I'm so sorry my darling... They made me an offer I couldn't refuse.”
“But how?? How could you?! After everything we'd been through together.”
“Oh c'mon! You know how much I love you – that's a given.”
“Is it though?”
“Of course. But, this deal means a tangible success!"
“You mean money.”
“Money? We don’t use money anymore, remember? The Arcology project. You know as well as I do, that without them we have no change of doing it… They promised their full cooperation.”
“In exchange for me…”
“They were extremely impressed by your skills and accomplishments so they probably decided you're worth more than…you know what I mean.”
“How flattering. You sold me.”
“Darling, you know very well what you'd signed coming here – it's the new legislature in practice, perfectly legal now.”
“I just thought I meant something more to you...” she sobs.
“You mean the world for me!” his body language couldn't get more defensive. And then as though he just realized the context, “I'm sorry, I am so so sorry, but it's all done now. No turning back.” He makes a gesture of capitulation with his hands and leaves the room for a minute. She just stays on the bed, broken and crying. Soon after he comes back, the look on his face somewhat different. “But successwise I made the right call, so you know... You, you of all people should understand – you always act as if you wrote the book on success. So explain to me just how on earth you don't understand such a simple math...” his eyes suddenly show a new spark “...oh, maybe, you're not that good after all... Which means... Oh wow, perhaps I just made even bigger hell of a deal. Impermanence, my love, impermanence. Time to move on.”

And that was the end. So that's how it happened... She's sitting on, digesting the biggest hit she's ever got from destiny, her deepest fall, the most destructive explosion of her dreams so far. Out there on the street people pass her by, people with golden stars, people of substance and virtue, she used to be one of them – flawless, spotless, without ever experiencing the humiliation of failure. Now, their faces show a mix of pity and revulsion for the sight that she is now, broken into pieces that someone disposed of right there on the street, her star gone from platinum straight to silver. But how!!? What did I do wrong... She cannot come up with anything. A ding announces a new incoming message, but she ignores it. From everything she has done, he was always the first one to benefit. And then, he sold her. ...Team effort... He sold her. True loyalty makes the group invincible. He sold her. So what now, what's the aftermath? He's the winner, she's the loser. She's naive. He's the winner, she's the loser. The more she keeps going over the sequence of causes and conditions that have lead to this morning’s cataclysm, the more is the pattern becoming obvious. All the time, she's been as naive as ever, always the same, all the way, through and through. It was the loyalty that compromised her. Who would have thought. Trust is poison. Of all the outcomes, this probably was both the most shocking and also the most inevitable at the same time. OK so what now... How do we get out of this mess? Let's try one foot in front of the other. Suddenly, it seems like her mind is starting to work again, once she's found the true culprit for her failure. Everything begins to make sense again. The situation itself, of course, isn't anything special. Not only potentially fully salvageable, perhaps it might even bring a chance for a level up. After all, the only loses were feelings. It'll take some time and she'll be on the top of her game again. For real this time. It was her fault anyway. Let it be a formative experience. No big deal, no big deal at all. Who knows, things might even get easier as a result. She wears her dress of success proudly, because she knows it's well deserved. She wipes the tears off her cheeks and stands up. There's no time to show weakness, because success is the only trophy and she's coming for it. Everyone else better be not too close when she does. You are playing a dangerous game, a somewhat distant voice sounds in her head. Yes, I am. No game, no gain.

And so yet another day on the battlefield is slowly unfolding. The show goes on and she's going to her usual coffee shop to regroup and do her homework on her new future. As always, she goes in with a smile, as always, she makes the same order, as always, the barista needs some time to recuperate from the encounter. There is literally nothing extraordinary happening to her from the viewpoint of everyone else. So why must there be from hers? Only that maybe she now understands why people like her don’t always have smiles on their faces. Another fact she has learnt in the process is that smiles aren’t sometimes even real, because if you showed weakness, others would use it for their own advantage. But it was his last words which shook her the most. Impermanence. The mortal enemy number one of anyone with ambition. To make something that lasts – to become immortal in one's own rite that means permanence. And she had thought it to be there already. This was alarming.

She finally takes out her hand terminal and looks at the new message. It's an address and instructions for a meeting with her new employer. OK, let's go. For better or worse. She already took everything she needs from her – their old apartment. It wasn't much everything else is easily replaceable. All that suffering was just her sentimental feelings which she had allowed herself to develop... Thus after drinking her coffee and eating her sandwich, she takes her little backpack and moves on in her life.

A door of a huge skyscraper opens and she walks inside, heading for the reception desk. She shows the invitation to a young receptionist who smiles cordially, stands up and accompanies her to one of the elevators and all the way up, then down the corridor to the manager's office. After that, she shakes her hand, wishes her best of luck, turns and leaves her there to make the final step on her own. Her feelings are still a bit numb after the morning, so the thrill of expectation is not as strong as it perhaps would be under different circumstances. Instead she simply knocked and opened the door without adding much of a comedy to it.

The office was huge with an incredible view. From behind the desk at the middle of the room, a young man stands up with a victorious smile. “Welcome, old friend.”
“You???!” she stares at him, eyes wide open. “How the...”
”I made you a promise, remember? That I'll help you make the world a better place?”
“What?.. I mean, yes, but... Why did you steal me like this?”
“For several simple reasons. First, I need you, you skills. One of my seers spent sometime observing you and assessed that your help is going to be essential in achieving our goal.
Your who...Oh shit! “Of course she did...”
He smiled gently. “It took me a while to figure out who she were referring to, you know. It was an incredible surprise, to be honest. First, we made a pact and then you went your way without any follow up. I didn't forget, just FYI.”
“Couldn't you just reach out? After all, we were gonna cooperate on that project... I could have helped out from my position – we are in this together, aren't we? Why on earth pulling this kinda stunt?”
“Oh that's so sweet! Nah, actually, that's not what's gonna happen. The real situation's a bit different from where I stand.” While he was talking she kept observing him. He changed a bit, as far as she can remember. It was strange, but at times it almost felt as though his belly got wider and his neck much thinner. Not to mention those weird scars... But then it felt again like a mirage, so must have been a daydream of sorts...
“What do you mean different?”
“Well, let's put it this way. Your old boss’ appointment with some hard times’ going to come up right about... ” he made a gesture looking at his wristwatch “...now. You know how when you keep skeletons in your closet, they tend to break free at the worst possible times? Well, let's say, that the bare survival of his company and basic reputation will become his main priority very soon. But thanks to a fortunate coincidence, we are gonna be there to save him from bankruptcy. You know, the usual way.”
“A hostile takeover...” she whispered in awe.
“No rocket science, if you know your way around some key places in the GCC... family in politics, you can say.” he smiled again and continued “The Arcology project will become our main priority and you are staying very much on it – of that I can assure you.” That was for her a whole new level in business. “Yeah, I'm sure. But my old boss, he told me that you are gonna provide your full cooperation in exchange for me...” she wanted to take some time to digest all that new information, but he just wouldn't stop with the barrage of revelations. “Yea, he's gonna be a little surprised who's the winner and who's the loser in this one. I promise, you won't regret.”
“But why me?”
“My friend, you have a sincere heart with a brain and body of a goddess. Everyone who ever meets you instantly bows down to kiss your feet. You are the biggest trophy of it all.”
“You're kidding, right...”
“Not at all, you will see. You will see. Blind are those who don't see it, but here, in this corporation, we do see it.”
“And what about all the employees over there?”
“Do you care? Coz I don't.” he shrugged.
“So you pulled me out of a sinking ship just for my...”
“Well, you might have been able to saved it from sinking, who knows, as far as our adaptive prediction models go, you're kind of an outlier, so I just couldn't take the risk.” he presses the palm of his hand to his heart and said “I am in your debt, so please, feel free to use me to make the world a better place. But, I'm sorry, I have an important work to do, I'd be much delighted, if I could be of more help to you, say, over dinner?”
“Sorry, not this time...” she says trying to mask how nauseated she feels.
“Some other time then. OK, feel free to explore your humble piece of home here, best of luck in your incredible career!” he bows, palms pressed against each other and then points towards the door which automatically opens. “Thank you” she replies and silently makes the exit, still keeping her posture, being quite aware that she's very much under surveillance. Emotions have to wait.

She pulls out her hand terminal and summons a holographic guide map to her new empire. It shows all the important spots associated with her position. A new message just popped up on the display, informing her that as a bonus, she gets the day off to manage her personal things connected with the transfer. Great. Still significantly emotionally numb, she stands up and proceeds towards her first day off since her studies.

Suddenly, it feels strange as though she wouldn't know what else to do apart from her work. She takes her backpack and sets out to see her new accommodation on the company grounds. Passing through a typical carefully crafted garden surrounded by blocks of buildings of which the corporation consists, nothing feels out of place. Except that everything is out of place. No, she's out of place. Well, not anymore, now she belongs there, but still... She cannot really grasp what's happening inside of her, that creepy notion of displacement, which is solely within her mind.

Within a few minutes, she arrives at her new place, a two-piece apartment, slightly larger than that which one would call a sleeping coffin, very modern-looking as expected, with everything one needs to spend time – either just a few hours of sleep, or fully immersed in the virtual world, which has become somewhat of an emerging new standard during the last few years, where more and more of social interactions are being moved into the virtual world, a process significantly sped up by one of the last wars which those few tech overlords managed to use very well to lure everyone in and thus make them feel safe meeting other people, resulting effectively creating a conveniently controllable sheep population of drones, who had gotten comfortable there and even though the war then ended most of them were already hooked on the new dopamine levels, so they are basically voluntarily imprisoned. Which overall didn't seem that bad, given the plummeting numbers in crime and accidents, not to mention civil unrest, which is very convenient for everyone. And all that was needed to achieve such a step up in peacekeeping was to hook the underachieving part of the society on an artificial brain-candy. As if... she smirks condescendingly passing around the VR set in the corner. Obviously, there's not much to do in the apartment, so she just leaves her backpack there goes outside, her mind flooded with memories.

The assignment notification beeped appearing on her terminal. A personal message is attached to it. First, she opens the main file and stays speechless. It says: Demolition Oversight Unit. What the... She then moves to the message. It is from her new boss saying: We've determined that your unique skills are most needed here. Those oldtimers who refuse to relocate from the construction site must be dealt with. We have the utmost confidence in your ability to quickly resolve the issue. Goodluck.

Her stomach tenses as her brain is slowly digesting the new reality. She calls him back, but he doesn't reply. She feels a wave of helplessness - a new sensation to which she's slowly getting used to these days. There is no apparent way out of this torment. This has to stop! She staggers back in and collapses on her new bed letting the thread mill of her thoughts spin. Something has to change... But what? How can she make herself naive enough to actually buy her own point of view? What other options does she have? Legally speaking, none. She belongs to the company. How nice it used to be before the war in mid-twenty-first century broke. And even afterwards for a while. That time people still had rights. Mostly. Some were pretty close to imaginary, but still. Nowadays? Yes, we're a candid, straight-forward and successful society, but are we? Really? They say 'embracing our true nature instead of bulshitting ourselves with self-serving sweet talk of moral principles...But that would mean that our true nature is being assholes...is it really?

She takes out her terminal again and soon a holographic projection of the last message appears before her eyes. She reads out loud. "Renovation, Reconstruction, Reconnection, Redesign." Repercussions, regurgitation, remortisation, refuck... Nothing makes sense anymore. She's going through her notes from the past... "No, that's not possible" she declares out loud... She stands up. She doesn't allow herself to think about what she's going to do, because if she did, she would have to give it up as a fully lost cause and a fuck up waiting to happen. Which potentially could cost her everything. Much more of everything than she lost this morning. So she just gives up and let's the body take the lead. "Oh, you're in for a treat. You're gonna get one Re that you haven't counted on. Refusal!.." Suddenly, almost as soon as this simple sentence leaves her mouth, something changed. It's as though calmness and focus poured into her from an invisible reservoir. She sits up, places her terminal on the bed, takes her small backpack and leaves. It feels almost symbolical, in this sudden spark of...hope? - who knows. But determination? - most certainly.

She left. Left things as they are, left her old life behind. Again. For the better this time? Let's see. The sky's the same as yesterday and before that. She knows that very well and she tries to separate her own mental projections from reality. The sky is blue. But what makes it blue? Chemically speaking its the Nitrogen molecules in the atmosphere which reflect the specific wave-lengths of the electromagnetic spectrum, which our eyes perceive and our brain subsequently classifies as "blue". Therefore "blue" on its own most certainly doesn't exists. That is to say outside of our subjective perception.

Since her Successful years, she has learnt to deconstruct things and factors to their constituents in order to predict outcomes and reactions. Basically the way her grandma taught her. She would show her how to look for innate nature of things by the means of deconstruction. Like a nose. Which part of the nose can you remove so it won't be a nose anymore? In reality one cannot find a single one that would hold the noseness of what we call 'the nose'. But how can this help now? Maybe, there isn't any innate fuckupness in this morning...or my life. - That helps, actually. She cannot help but argue with herself whether her grandma had this in mind when she sent her alone to the world to find happiness. But of what use is it now? She's been demoted to a mere executioner and there's not a thing she can do about it. And so the river flows and flows; and no one knows where time goes and goes... And so the girl left her old life behind along with old attachments and privileges.

She walks. Heading towards the general direction of the outskirts, she just walks without any specific destination. Immersed in her thoughts, but not really fixated on constantly replaying the morning, which she herself finds surprising. Instead, she is observing the most peculiar thing as her mind suddenly show some... for the lack a of better word... clarity. It's probably that she was too tired from those ever-repeating loops of replay, too tired to care for what was or wasn't, what will or won't be. Somewhere in the middle of that overwhelming roll-coaster her mind and body decided they had enough for a while. How grateful she is. Now, she just walks and walking is all that is on her mind. No discursive thoughts, no worrying, no nothing else than walking. She feels her legs, moving in a reassuring synchronicity, not fast, there's no meeting, no specific time she must be somewhere. She walks slowly and feels her feet stepping one ahead of the other, her knees bending and stretching, hips moving back and forth, hands swinging in the rhythm, waist along with the upper body bopping like a raft anchored its peer, shoulders swinging, keeping balance, neck and head going just slightly up and down. Soft breeze blowing into her rich long curly hair, leaving a tender sensation on her scalp. She takes off her jacket and leaves it on a bench, letting the wind play with her blouse. She feels how her consciousness' getting somewhat wider and her mind calm. She walks and all her attention moves and rests on the space around, the whole of it, rather than just a single point. She feels.... present. Normally, on a walk like this, she'd already be scanning for things to do, coffee shops, ice cream or other stuff to get her mind occupied. But strangely, now her mind doesn't seem at all in need of occupation other than itself. Something stopped. Something that has been part of her mind and life for quite some time already. Why did it stop?...

Roaming the streets of the present, now again immersed in memories, which now some hidden part of her mind suddenly wants to call “the good old days”, at which her yesterday's self would totally laugh. She's otherwise convinced that what's happening now is just a temporary derailment and pretty soon, she'll be back in the saddle, back on the top of her game. But surprisingly, now her body protests to that thought, so she quickly shuns it and lets her mind just keep reviewing those memories without much judgement, more like a distant observer. It's not that she was planning to visit places where she used to spend much time during her childhood, it's more like her body's choosing a direction and she doesn't argue. She now realizes that she used to do it a lot in those newly designated “good old days”. Wander and wonder, observe. She used to be completely at ease, never used to really care for getting “stuff”, but never actually felt that anything was missing in her life. All her family ever taught her was to be gentle and helpful to others. Both her mom and dad were somewhat distrustful of economical giants, but never really spoke badly about anyone.

When she was very little they died in a maglev accident, that's how she came to live with her grandma, a woman of great wisdom and inner discipline, who used to teach her how wishing happiness for one's self brings worry, but wishing happiness for others brings happiness. “Always remember,” she used to say, “happiness comes from not worrying for one's self.” She can feel a gentle but strange sensation around her shoulder blades, running down her spine. Then a warm feeling in her chest. Hence, yes, this life is demanding, you don’t have much peace. However, in return you get great rewards, allowing you do so many nice things, therefore it is worth it. She looked up at the sky, saw birds flying across the city and got a little envious... They can fly wherever they want, they are so free and happy... But then she remembered they are eaten by bigger birds and many people shoot them for fun. Guess nothing is ideal and every one of us has some burden.

With the noon closing in, she stops by a small café to take some lunch. The place is of oldish style, with tables and chairs outside on a porch sunlit with nowadays' autumny golden tinge. A pure romance. She climbs up and sits at one of the tables and a few moments later a young girl emerges from the inside. She is dressed in a moderately-worn antique looking silk gown with flowery motives. Her wildly undone long light-red hair embrace her head and arms of unusually pale, freckled skin. She is indeed stunning in her natural fashion. She comes up to the girl observing her with apparent admiration. She's quite used to having this effect on basically everyone. She smiles with her eyes and bows her head slightly. The other girl returns the courtesy in a similar manner, a hint of feeling rewarded showing clearly in her eyes. She doesn't say anything, almost as though the mere mutual affirmation of each other's presence spoke volumes on its own. They have become instant friends. Hence, both of them stay like that for a few seconds, until the girl finally breaks the silence and asks for a noodle soup. With a hinted smile, the other girl nodds and silently retreats back inside just to come back moments later with a big smoking bowl of noodles, vegetables and tofu. It's truly warming and delicious. After the lunch is finished, she stays in silence waiting for the other girl to come back and take the bowl. When she does, she asks for chai-latté. Suddenly the other girl's whole energy changes from effortlessly sensual to borderline scared... It's like a splash of freezing cold water after smelling the scent of lilies in a warm summer evening. For the first time since their encounter, the other girls speaks. "Excuse me, miss, but do you have any...money?" she asks with a trembling and unsure voice.
"No, do I need to?" the girl replies in a wave of genuine surprise over the unexpectedly brutal change in their shared atmosphere. The other girl's voicebox produces only a slight low-pitched squeak, while her eyes hint at her chest. She looks down at her Perk - it has turned copper. Meaning: she's being watched. She has only 24 more hours of access to basic sustenance and lodging. Then, she's finished. Apparently, her earlier a bit verbal refusal has been refused and she needs to get back to work if she wants to keep on living. There's nothing to be done about it. He plays with her and she knows the game very well.

Returning to their silent communication, she apologetically bows her head in surrender. The other girl hesitates for a moment but then changes her energy again shedding all of earlier uncertainty. Instead, she caresses the girl's cheek with her hand, her eyes radiating strong compassion. She then leaves and comes back with a pot of tea, two little cups and a smoking kettle of boiling water on a tray, places it on the table and herself takes a place opposite of her. First, she takes the ceramic teapot and places it above the boiling water for a while. The takes it again, removing the lid and holding it close to the girl's face, so she can breathe in the fragrant scent of warmed up dry curled oolong tealeaves. It's almost enchanting. She then places the pot on the tray in front of her, lifts the smoking kettle and pours hot water after which she places it back on its stand. After waiting for a few seconds she takes the teapot and empties it into a standing-by little glass jar, from which she then pour the tea into the two little drinking cups, waits a few moments again and pours their new content back in the jar. The girl keeps watching her elegant and fluid moves. Her hands appear to be dancing around with effortless elegance like that of a pair of acrobatic ice-skaters. After emptying the first round, she lifts the kettle again to pour a new load in the teapot, which she them yet again pours from the pot to the jar and subsequently to the little cups. This time its meant for drinking. But before that, she takes the teapot again, removes its lid and holds it close to the girl's nose so she can smell the transforming scent of wet tealeaves before tasting the final product. Yet again the deep fragrance floods her senses and drowns even more of her worries, motivating her attention to stay in the present. It deeply reminds her of the encounter with the old man in the forest who offered her tea and showed her true peace of mind in the middle of her exhausting pursuit of success. The only thing missing is the flute. For a moment, she can feel the same kind of calmness again watching the other girl meticulously prepare the tea for her.

On the other side of the table, the profoundly artistic hand dance is already nearing its climax, as the other girl in wave-like moves finally fills the two little cups and this time hands one of them over to her guest on an open palm of her hand. The girl is watching the whole mesmerising process, but is already half-immersed in her own thoughts. Is it possible that she has made a wrong decision? After years of exhausting effort chasing down the Cloak of Success, even though tired, stressed, having almost depleted both her strength and hope, those few moments - a mere few moments with the old man were enough to make her so completely calm, grounded and full of strength again. A bit like right now.

She takes the little cup in her hand and observes it for a while. It's made of brown ceramics with a while glazing of the inside. It's golden-colored content somewhat reflects a tree behind her back. A heavenly scent suddenly enters her nostrils and fills her mind with a rich palette of subtle fruity tones. Glimpses of the old man in the forest are still flashing in her mind. These are all illusions. You don't forget that you're after the thing you want! says the dancing man in her memory. And then it hit her. That was exactly the moment when she made the final decision not to give up her pursuit and it was exactly the moment after when she was finally rewarded the shining cloak of Success. The one which made possible her proverbial ascension among the stars of society. And her success was real. It was tangible. So what? says the echo of the dancing man in her mind. Just because once in a while you don't succeed right away, you already think about becoming a hermit? An outcast? He's laughing condescendingly at her. Have you really tried hard enough? His dancing moves are whirling around her and her cup of tea. As though frozen in time, she's listening to that which appears as the voice of her conscience in the form of her past guide to Success.

"No" she says out of the blue. The other girl gives her a surprised look, watching her guest put the little cup that has yet to meet her lips back on the table, stand up and leave without saying a word of explanation, leaving her host in shock and speechlessly watching her silhouette slowly fade in the high noon glare of the otherwise mundane and uneventful autumn day.

To the girl, the logic seems simple enough. When there's no point in putting up resistance, the only option is to give in. At least partially. In time wounds heal and although some scars remain, she is seemingly as stunning as ever. She completes the tasks she is given with the same passion and precision as before. After all, The Arcology is her brainchild anyway. Now she can supervise its realization. With days, weeks and months passing by, it all begins to feel a bit more natural and within the whole context it makes complete sense. This project will be her Success, her membership in the Successful Society. This is obviously something to work for, something to toil over, something to grasp at and never let go. The task at hand is fairly straight forward - she gets up every morning and goes to her office where she formulates ways to recruit more and more people into the Arcology. Her specialty is making selling points. Of course the whole thing is not dependent on the willingness of the masses, it will be done anyway, but she knows very well that the nature of humankind is to seek to avoid suffering thus talking reason into people is not only possible but also much more goal-effective then steamrolling them.

"That's the only way the new world order has any real chance to last. It must eradicate suffering" she presents her vision to a group in a small conference room back at her new company.
"Poetic... Could you be a bit more nebulous?" her new boss interrupts her showing clear signs of impatience.
"Bear with me" she smiles. "There are four main causes of suffering. Birth, aging, sickness and death. If you can protect the people from those, they will follow you with unwavering loyalty to the end of the world and beyond."
"Oh, I feel relieved. At one point I was afraid you were gonna ask us to perform miracles..."
"Nothing of the sort" she continues as amicably and focused as ever. "We all want happiness. That's the only engine that propels us forward."
"That's wonderful," her new boss interrupts her presentation again. "and we're gonna exploit that how?
"Exploit?" she can't believe her ears.
"Well you don't seriously believe we can just give them happiness... Oh wait - I think there was a magical lamp lying around somewhere."
"Of course we can. Did you really skip all history classes coz they were too boring? You cannot exploit anything, you must do right by the people - otherwise your empire won't last a hundred years.
"Just like that? Give them all and keep nothing?"
"There is a way for us to achieve our goals and still remain on the right side of morality. Haven't you heard? Birth, aging, sickness and death - that's what my grandma used to teach me since I was little. She was the wisest person on Earth."
"OK, I'll bite. What would your grandma suggest?"
"She would say that all horse diseases come from running and all human diseases come from eating. So I think we can concentrate on the middle two. Now when we're in the same boat, we can use the upcoming announcement from the genetics lab to our advantage. They managed to come up with a food formula that can avoid 90% of diseases in humans, am I correct?"
"How the hell do you know that? That's top secret!"
"You stole me away for a reason, remember? I've learnt a few tricks." As she makes a subtle and elegant pout in his direction his energy changes into a wave of satisfaction. Little does he know of the secret exchange between her and the woman sitting next to him - his main strategic operative. The one from before who knows very well it is meant for her. She must admit, that the girl is nothing less than unmatchable.
"OK, let's say I follow you now" he continues defensively "but what are you suggesting? That we give it away? For free?"
"We don't use money anymore."
"Yea, well, but c'mon!"
"Relax, your desires will be fulfilled. Yes, we'll give it for free. In a way. We'll actually go through with it as our main sales pitch. And We'll honor it. We'll simply gonna give it to those who sign up, that's it.
"All of them? Now way! That's gonna cost us!"
"We don't use money anymore, remember? This is the only way to go now. We either adapt to the new reality and lead or fall behind playing catch up."
"Very well my dear, I do trust you. You have the helm on this. If your plan works, you can be gold again. Perhaps even platinum.

She looks at him trying to assess whether he's being sincere. Looks like he means to keep leading her on without really upgrading her status. She's a pet dog on his leash. Most of the time, she's been just hungry. Hungry for everything that used to be hers and now is taken away from her and is used as leverage. The leash is wrapped around her neck so tightly that only little can get through and thus she's suffering from ever present hunger. The ever present I want accompanies her every day and night, every hour and every second.

As for her task, she has devised a plan to make the majority of accept their proposal to be relocated to the Arcologies which have hence been growing more and more. It had begun almost seamlessly, as standalone blocks of living units with rims of greenery and ponds where in the future a whole new ecosystem is going to be born. She knows she cannot fail. Her satiation depends on it. Up until this point, they have been pretty successful in turning almost half of every city they target to their side. Her new boss is going through with the deal and she has built herself an image of loving mother who will protect her children from suffering at any cost. And people are giving up money in exchange for Perks, more than satisfied getting free lodging and miraculous food which is programmed to each and everyone's genome and produces clean and odourless waste. It is designed to intelligently keep tweaking the levels of dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin just the right way so everyone stays joyful, satisfied and complaisant. A real paradise indeed. But only for those who cooperate, of course.

As recognition of her merit, her Perk turns gold every morning, and goes back to copper every night to remind her of her place in the grand scheme of things. Each morning she puts on her beautiful cloak of Success which helps her conceal scars from all the backstabbing and fights which go hand in hand with the business. Lately, she's been remembering more of her grandma's teaching, especially the one of 'Karma' - that every sentient being has to have been our mother at some point during the countless past lives since the beginning of the universe and vice versa.

Really, how blinded the poor common people seem to be from time to time. They cannot see that she’s not doing all those things for herself! She just needs enough to eat, all the rest is for the benefit of others, even thought they are so dull and don’t get it. Oh, how much she’d love them to see things in the long run and not only their own selfish interests, rendering them totally oblivious to everything which is necessary to do for the interest of the whole successful society. But due to their limiting understanding and lack of imagination, each time she appears, they look at her with suspicion and do everything to drive her away, especially when she needs to do something uneasy but ultimately for their own greater good. Her motivations haven’t changed since her childhood, but she’s not that naive little girl anymore, who lacked any real means to do anything meaningful for, not to mention leave her true signature of success on the world. Thanks to her, more and more people are signing up to live in Paradise, the first of the soon to be independent habitats. Pretty soon the construction of the Motherland will be finished and there are already plans in motion for the Freezone. They will all together contain a million people - exactly one percent of the remaining population on Earth. The rest is expected to die out withing a following hundred years due to insufficient lifestyle. Simultaneously, the already existing Lagrange stations built in secret during the last world war are going to be retrofitted into O'Neill cylinders where after a few generations them fully prepared and adapted population will be transferred so it can break orbit and set out on a journey to colonize the Cosmos. Like their legendary predecessor Noah's arc, they will take only the carefully cultivated best of humanity to the stars.

But despite all her effort, she finds herself more and more under pressure with less and less occasion to enjoy her life, because it truly is so hard to achieve anything lately. With her Perk degrading every evening after work, she has no choice but to live in her 'sleeping coffin' as she calls it. She must use all her capabilities and resources to manage keeping her composure while dealing with hunger. She must be a predator lurking in the shadows, avoiding being spotted by others and then jump out like a tornado catching her prey and if someone is too close, they will get hurt. It does not give her any pleasure to be like this, but her desire for her precious perks is strong and this is the most effective way to stay on track. And of course, the more precious they are, the harder it proves to keep them and they usually do not last for long. They say, life is an ever going battle. Looks like they are right.

Although when she looks at her state of life from hindsight, there are thankfully still people she can trust, those in need of her services, those not only grateful for her effort, but also capable of rewarding her and even showing her new areas with promising chances of success that seem nothing short of amazing. Fruitful lands like this one, well proven by those like herself; lands chosen for their abundance of opportunities. Some of them might be easily dismissed by most for their not very pleasant looks, but that is exactly what makes them hidden from inexperienced opportunists who only chase after shiny things. She too used to be one of those. But to her advantage she then managed to learn from her mistakes, namely that if you are not fast enough, you will be left behind, and by allowing yourself to compromise, even make a sacrifice once in a while, the reward can be really worth it. What a paradox. Most of the times she allowed her dress to get a little bit dirty, it somehow paid off. On occasion she lost some of her rewards, either by being beaten to it by someone else, by not being fast or effective enough, but that is just a motivation for doubling the effort. After all, no one likes hunger, right...

To be continued.

慧淨

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