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THE JOURNEY
Beneath the web-thin simulacrum,
He was all alone, crying in the creeping darkness of an
old and rusty train depot, in the middle of nowhere. A
place built in bygone times, by bygone people, for
bygone purposes, which were then little by little running
out up until the point where the whole thing became a
nuisance, an unneeded burden for it blocked the
perpetually accelerating train of progress, driven by the
race for success and ambition and so the once mighty
and proud island of human ingenuity ultimately became
obsolete, unwanted, forgotten and for some perhaps
even shameful. The reason it was abandoned seemed to
be very simple. It had served up its purpose, which was
now gone, rendering it meaningless. Yet nothing could
be farther from the truth. The same way there is no such
thing as an absolute and permanent purpose, there is
also no such thing as an absolute and permanent absence
of it. We human beings tend to be so full of our selves, so
we very often overlook or plainly ignore any other
purposes than those directly serving us. As for the depot,
it was no different. It was an ecosystem in its own rite,
sometimes a whole world for countless colonies and
generations of countless forms of Life, as well as shelter
in many other ways, at the moment for a little boy, no
older than five, broken and crying, bearing the weight of
the whole world on his tiny shoulders. Who knows how
long he had been there, but still not long enough to give
up his fight with an undesired state of things. After a while they reached her grandma’s house and took some ice cream as promised, certainly by the magical force of which, his mood significantly improved. Then they went straight to his home and family. When they got there, it was already late afternoon. The reunion was emotional as expected, but cheerful and overjoying. His mom was a very kind, mysterious and very young looking lady, totally giving the impression of a magical forest fairy from children’s books. Her look was warm and welcoming, her dress simple, natural and comfortable, and both her voice and gestures were calm and soothing. The girl was sure that she were seeing some sort of a forest guardian witch who protects and watches over lost souls. Not saying your name out loud must surely have been part of it.
Now the boy was in his mom’s embrace, moping yet
again and the girl felt touched by the happy ending of
the journey they shared together but also deeply
troubled by the incredible amount of suffering she had
witnessed in just one day.
"So, how does one embark on a spiritual journey? What do I need to do first? I'm afraid that all I got are some ethnic clothes, beads and protection amulets..." I said condescendingly to the man on the opposite side of the table. The man just smiled and took his cane, leaving me sitting there with my mind somewhat pickled, half mentally preparing for what I'm going to do, half reminiscing about how the hell did I actually get to this point. To be honest, now I'm slowly coming to the realization about how cushy and agreable my life actually is. Just now when I'm going to shred it all... I'm no fool, I know very well that if I ever manage to sneak out into the wastelands, they'll never let me back even as a toilet scrubber... What the fok am I pushing myself into... Frankly, I got no clue...nothing. So, how did I get into this mess? * * * “Looking for something, young man?” I heard a voice
coming from behind me, as I was looking around this
small wooden house with a garden. I was getting on my way back, thinking how to clear my mind of the feeling so burnt out from the spiritual stuff and had a strong desire to do something normal for a change - like going to a mall and see a movie. Yes, that might be a good idea for today. Let’s take a break from all this. And first thing tomorrow, I need to pick a girl. Someone who can appreciate my inner potential for a change!
* * * Boy oh boy… My nervous subconscious snapped me out that reminiscence perhaps in order to remind me of a bit more important delusion at hand. Now, due to my advancing age, one might perhaps deem my desire for adventure a clear precursor to a midlife crisis... I wouldn’t argue with that too much though. All mentally sane members of the Successful society work collectively on a common goal and don't pursue some individualistic daydreams. Such things are of course natural and tolerated, however they are generally frowned upon and in case they go too far, they are considered symptoms of psychosis which means one has to undergo a neurological treatment. Although they say it's painless, there are stories going around that those poor patients come out completely changed. Scary. Nevertheless, somehow I was totally sure that worst case scenario, this is no more than midlife crisis. What's a midlife crisis anyway? What if it takes half a life to realize you've lost your way and find courage to find it again? Or for the first time, for that matter. Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing - I kept assuring myself. That's what I'm doing. Playing with fire. My mind started to race again. I need a plan. What if it doesn't work? Best case scenario, I'm gonna lose all benefits and will be left to dry. Yeah, but if I cross the line, that's gonna happen anyway... So there's by definition nothing to worry about. Yea, but when the stupid lizard brain is at the helm, definitions are rarely helpful. So here I was, walking through bushes, looking at the stunning arid landscape that covered the terrain which was just starting to look mountainous. Steep hillsides with mangroves, islands of grass were dry, filled with more and more pebbles. I was exhausted from worrying all the time or from walking around all day. One of those or more probably both together. Well, as for my primal worries, I had about 6 months worth of rations consisting of protein tablets, various taste-inducers, mineral powder and a cantine equipped with a water purifier. As long as there was water of any kind, I was going to be quite ok. And what about the other primal thing? A thought came to my mind which made me sincerely smirk. Well, if humor ain’t leaving me, I can relax - I decided. The sun was getting low and its orange hues were refracting off the stasis net – a protective forcefield running along the mountain ridge in some distance – the symbol of my somewhat secondary but not much less imminent danger, threateningly glimmering from afar. It runs along the ridge, right? But why would it penetrate the rock all the way down? Might be enough to find a natural cavern going through. Like that, in my head it sounded almost easy. But that would clearly be asking a bit too much. And then it hit me, that perhaps I didn’t expect myself to succeed in the first place. Suddenly, something within me clicked and brought a slight sensation of relief. Ok, let’s find a hideout, spend the night, perhaps more and then decide what’s next. I kept walking along the rocky hill in the search on a mountain opening. However after several more hours, all I could find was a spot where a part of the wall a bit receded inwards, making something like a half-cavern. That was gonna have to do… I was exhausted so I just rolled out a little mattress and lied down resting my head on my backpack. Since by that point I was quite convinced would be going back, I had no problem to relax and fall asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. Little did I know that it was the last moment of my old life. Goodnight.
One day, kid, you’ll hear about her yourself. Damn, you might even see her with your own eyes. She’s like a ghost. A witch. A spirit. They say she lives in the forest, but they don’t say which one. You decide on your own. After you’ve dedicated your entire life to finding those like her. To finding anything lost or hidden, solving any mystery. She’ll become your bounty. Your price. She’ll give you wisdom, show you the world’s secrets, but her elusiveness will keep you up at night. If you’re lucky, if you’re smart enough and play your cards right. You think, kid, this world is about finding your place? Nah... that’s the single most common mistake of losers. It’s about winning your place. There ain’t too many places, so everyone’s trying to do that. Trying hard. Most of them lose, so if you wanna win your own place, you’ll have to beat them to it. Yea, life’s an ever sprinting bitch of a competition. So, maybe you’ll win it... hallelujah! And then? Game over, kid, you have lost. But you know what? Perhaps you’ll even come across the idea that an occasional losing might not be a completely bad thing in the long run. Confused? Yeah, I bet. Stick around and you’ll learn about my story. It’ll be as though you lived it.
She looks around and sees the world flowing, people and things move like a part of a giant structure, a machine that is so big, we can’t even see it. Her eyes are drawn to everything as if they just opened for the first time, trying to absorb and examine all the information. And there is so much of it. For her, life just starts and it is up to her to choose a path, to find her place not to mention achieve and do so many things! Of course, her life has ups and downs, but generally she has always felt happy. True, she has never owned expensive treasures, but she does have enough to eat, a place to sleep and she is safe. Almost every time and everywhere there is a reason to smile, to feel this ease in your chest ― as when you look up at the blue sky, when you watch bees, buzzing over flowers in spring, when you feel all the scents of nature. In her childhood she would always find time if someone needed help, or just to sit down by a mountain spring and listen to birds, while the sound of water and the fresh air would slowly put her to sleep. Now however, she is discovering a whole new world of prospects and pleasures. People have told her. “Yes, you may be young and beautiful but that isn’t enough. In order to be really happy you must be successful, and success is measured by accomplishments.” It was all so intriguing and exciting... She saw accomplished people every-where. They were beautifully dressed, clean and elegant. Their profiles were smooth, and although from time to time some were lacking a smile (on their faces), they seemed always to be the center of interest of those who would admire them. From observing others around her, she’s always known that rich and beautiful people are more popular, they have all they want, they are happy. On the other hand, less popular people were usually loners and didn’t have much influence on the society around. She didn’t give it a real thought at the time, but now it all seems to make perfect sense. What if she couldn’t tell illusion from reality? Perhaps she has been missing out on so many things! It feels as though yet another new world has unraveled before her.It is decided. She will set out to pursue success in order to find true Happiness. With this thought, she notices an intriguing person passing by. He is young and slim, wearing an elegant suit and even his walk appears as a special kind of dance. Something about this man, the attraction she suddenly feels. Yes, it is not her illusion, he is looking on her. He never says a word, yet there is something about the look in his eyes, almost saying: It is me you are searching. Come, catch me, for I know the best way of all. She is helpless against this urge to follow him. She wants to be like him; to wear this magnificent suit and have the power of control that she can feel radiating from his dynamic moves. It’s a completely new feeling - a strong desire to have... It feels as the world around her suddenly ceased to exist, everything but the object of her desire and her. He is running away and she is chasing him, yet he always manages to stay ahead of her. He knows the terrain and uses it to his advantage. They are running trough the city, passing people, dodging cars and trains. Sometimes he is just a few inches out of her grasp, but he always finds a way to lose her, so she has to roam the streets of life looking for him again and again. However, he never stays out of her sight too long, not letting her desire wear off. Even when she is tired and resting, he appears in both her night and day dreams, his dance restlessly reminding her of what she might get, if she tries hard and long enough. Although to be honest, there is a tiny little thought in the back of her mind, asking if this is really the best way of life. But she does know that the way to success isn’t an easy one and her motivation is pure, hence she won’t lose her will to pursue Happiness. One evening she spots him moving through tiny streets near an old castle. Her happiness is once again within her reach! Yet now, it feels somehow different. She’s more experienced than before, she knows she will need to stay focused if she doesn’t want him to dodge her again. Full of confidence, yet again, the girl stands up to continue her pursuit. To her surprise, this time, for some reason he isn’t running away. It is a late evening, street lamps are lit and she finds him before an old wall, dancing in an incredible halo of colorful lights that seem to be shining from his clothing, engulfing both the wall and her. Never before, was her goal so within reach, even inviting her to come and take it. As she closes in, the wall starts to look like a giant mirror streaming the whole palette of colors towards her. Almost entranced, she is coming ever closer to it, with her hand stretched, reaching out. The wall, the street, the man, the whole city has disappeared. She finds herself on a clearing facing a big green bush, standing there instead of the wall. It is a beautiful warm day, the Sun shines high in the sky and there is a huge forest surrounding her, wherever she looks. Birds are singing, and every inch is teeming with Life. Something feels incredibly familiar about this place – as though she has known it her whole life. Gently, and without hesitation, she moves among trees, enjoying this beautiful place, although her visions of the man, his beautiful dress and dance, are still there, and now she is going in a direction where they are getting stronger. And there he is, hiding behind trees and then running away from her. Yet again she is chasing him, sprinting through the forest, dodging trees, and once again he will slip away, inches before her grasp. She is seriously tired of it, but she will not give up, convinced that one day success will come if she keeps trying. But now, perhaps she needs a break, perhaps some distance, so that she can look at her life from a different perspective? Maybe. But let’s just walk, be open minded and listen to the world around. She roams and roams the forest that doesn’t seem to end, no matter where and how far she goes. Huge, tall trees offer protection from the sun, springs and ponds pristine water, fruit trees (or bushes) food. Wherever she looks there is harmony, and the silence is only disturbed by the song of birds. After walking for some time she finds a clearing under a small hill. Much to her surprise, there on a tree stub, sits an old gray-haired man, all alone. He doesn’t seem to have any possessions, except for a small fire, a little metal teapot, a cup and a flute leaning on the side of the stub where he is sitting. His dress appears to be very old but comfortable, his eyes are deep and immensely peaceful. At this moment, the voice of her newly chosen life of ambition is telling her that this man doesn’t appear to have anything to offer, anything people around have taught her to value and want and perhaps he looks more like one of those uninteresting people who spend their lives in some corner far from successful society, never even dreaming of achieving any of what she is set to achieve... However, no matter how reasonable in the
context of her way of life this voice sounded, she would
never despise someone just because they are poor or
their clothes are old. Anyone can say or think anything
they want, but that isn’t her. Now, strengthened by this
thought and full of curiosity, she approaches him. Even
when she comes very near, he doesn’t lose his deep
concentration. In a very gentle manner, she says:
A variety of colorful lights floods her senses, while the
dancing man’s wonderful cloak swirls around her similar
to a swarm of gold and silver fireflies. A breathtaking
dance. The forest has disappeared. She is kneeling there before the wall, with her hands touching the street. It is night and the street lamps are lit. She is wearing the dress of her dreams which glows in their halo. No one else is there.
So you think that you wake up and see the world as if it was some huge machine that we are all part of? It’s not easy to admit, but you know, you might be not entirely wrong about that. But you are naively ignoring the most important fact, my friend. You were so excited about realizing that the machine exists, and your curiosity ended there. Poor naive kid. You’re so easy to impress, you get satisfied not even half way through and don’t care to get to the point. That way, you’ll never find much, kid. So, the machine. It’s a steamroller. And you be sure you’re part of it. Coz you’re either part of it, or you’re part of the road... But that’s not the end of it either. Every steamroller needs a driver, that’s what you should realize. If you're strong enough, the driver’s seat’s there for the taking. You catching my drift? You need to be needed by others. Or else, they’re gonna prey on you. And you know what’s important? Power. And where do you find the best power? In mystery. People are notoriously scared of what they don’t know. And scared people can be easily influenced. Influenced and controlled, so they won’t do something stupid. Like preying on you. You feel me? So you go find mysteries. But how you do it? First, you’re not stupid, therefore you know you need knowledge and experience. That’s the most important thing on its own. You go and ask around, what people fear, what they worship, revere... Then you go and find out about that. Its gossip, its origins, its power. Find out its power. And remember, no failure is ever a failure. Always analyze what happened. What happened -itself- is never as important as how it happened, only then lessons can be learnt. That’s what interests you, that’s your mission. You are the finder. And you are also lost...
When opened my eyes, it was already morning. I looked around trying to locate coffee dispenser. Right. Of course. The details of my whereabouts were slowly coming back. Boy, that was close. I keep repeating to myself that I had no idea what would happened had I gone through with that stupid craziness. I’ve always been one of those kids who take their perk for granted, yet have never known life without it. I let my naivete act out way too long. By that time. I could almost agree that the government is right to commit people like me to psych wards… C’mon, this ain’t like me at all. I like my comfy place, stable work and uneventful life. One thing I had to give myself, that this crazy endeavor wouldn't be so fruitless after all. This realization might just be the most precious one of my life. That this adolescent spiritual phase of mine was getting unhealthy and taking a bit too long to wear off. And that I wasn’t gonna find her anyway. But all in all, the place looked nice. I packed my things and decided to stay dark a little longer and just keep walking in this stunning nature. Generally I wanted to go back, retracing my own footsteps, but somehow, I couldn’t make out the terrain. That happens when you walk for too long while being stuck in your head obsessing over worries. - I thought to myself. I wasn’t worried too much at this point. After all I was sure that sooner or later I was bound to run into an automated outpost or a settlement. And so I kept on walking away from the ridges, back to the lowlands. To be honest, the land looked weird. There were ruins. Very old ruins. “This ain’t Kansas anymore.” I said out loud with a smirk. Wishful thinking... I was frankly a bit surprised though. I always thought that all of the ancient ruins had been long recycled before I was even born. There was an outer rim of walls that consisted of smaller blocs made of some strange kind of ceramics. I’d never thought I would see remnant of a truly ancient building. Fascinated, I went inside to take a closer look. What was left of the roof appeared to be made of plastic tiles – perhaps ancient solar collectors before they moved them up to space and beamed the energy directly to the ground. This was so small and necessarily inefficient. How could this have ever been enough for even one person’s consumption back when even a small kettle or heater were such powerhogs and Dyson swarms or clean fusion were still a matter of science fiction... But this house – this relic was obviously constructed during the ancient times of wars, barbarism, and chaos of the 21st century. I have to say, I almost felt like being in one of those folk tales of Indiana Jones or Lara Croft. The only I was missing were the guns. And boobs. “Hey, some fresh meat!” - and then nothing. When I woke up, I couldn’t see anything. It took me a while to fully come to. The first sensation I remember was lying on the side while the whole place was jumping up and down. My hands were tied behind my back and something was over my head. I tried to move my legs but no luck there either. Apparently, they were tied too. Boy, that was bad… They caught me where I wasn’t supposed to be and I’m gonna be found a burden for the Successful Society and therefore eliminated. At least that’s what people would say. No one knows what happens to those people. They disappear because they are no longer needed. I guess I’m gonna find out. My heart was beating quite fast after this thought. And then somehow I remembered words of my teacher: When you are in danger, think of your first crush. Your heart will beat fast because of that”. I wasn’t sure how it was gonna help, but at least it bore a vague resemblance of a plan. Let the river run - that was another think master Wu used to say. * * * To put it simply, fate grabbed my proverbial behind from the ladder of success and threw it down to the proverbial bottom of the pit. Head first. I was in a good place among people of both good spirit and prospect. It was a very late summer day, the sun was hot, although the air was slowly catching the scents of fall. It was the first day in a new school and I was immensely looking forward to this “new life” in a new collective, which rendered me full of expectations, although perhaps fortunately enough I still hadn't had the chance to unleash much of my weirdness on them. We were sitting outside after the first day of school, talking and having fun and I was truly enjoying their company. I was in a forest. What?! Suddenly, the reality around me changed and my heart was racing. I had no idea where or why, but in the same time my senses were totally overtaken by this huge lush and vibrant forest, that felt somehow different than the usual forests I have had visited. It seemed so vast as though it had no beginning or end, it felt incredibly alive and welcoming. In a second, out of nowhere, she appeared sitting on a stone, facing me. Something about her was almost out of this world. In the same time, she felt incredibly human (for lack of better words). But hey, look around you. This definitely wasn’t Kansas anymore. She was kind of tall, long a bit curly dark hair, her smile was warm, eyes filled with sincere kindness and her voice deeply comforting. She said: “Welcome, you are in the right place. We will meet again.” Then a sequence of causes and effects of which I had but none to a very superficial understanding climaxed in the unpleasant sound of the wake up call on my bedside clock. Splendid. The day began full of euphoric expectations. It was a very late summer day, the sun was hot, although the air was slowly catching the scents of fall. We were sitting, talking and having fun and I was truly enjoying their company. Though I might add, it felt less strange the first time. I couldn’t shake off this feeling of the forest. And the girl. Who was she? I was in the right place. Was I? It truly felt that way, even without that dream, more so with it. All being said, it definitely wasn’t the real reason behind my pulse rate. We will meet again… These two sentences, their context and delivery were eloquent just enough to attract my full attention. No more, no less. There was no doubt that every cause and effect had been leading my life towards this very point and they were to decide the shape of my future. Yes, it was a clear sign which I was determined to decipher and use all its potential. But I couldn’t do it on my own - I had to find a teacher. Although this particular endeavor presented itself with a slight little hiccup. Namely that there were not many ancient sages in my neighborhood, just sitting around waiting to present me with their life’s work and wisdom. Not to mention their beautiful young daughter who’d instantly fall in love with a “Bruce Lee wannabe” white dude, just as it usually goes in those movies on which I had grown up. As much as I’d prefer for such a pathetic narrative to come true, it was more than obvious that the reality would be much less romantic. Nah, I definitely needed a different strategy. * * * As a matter of fact, it made my heart beat a bit slower. Still fast though. Just about the same each time I think of her. She’s always been the real reason I ended up here. And now my mission to find her is ‘fokingfoked’ and my life probably over. I will be dealt with as everyone else who’s ever opposed the System of Success. Next thing I remember was waking up sitting out in the open. Well not exactly. Everything was still blurry, but at least I was able to make out light from darkness. And some voices from random sounds. Was all that before just a dream? Or is it still? Nonetheless, after a few moments I realized that I was actually in a cage, hands tied back to one of its bars and my head was ringing badly. I tried to open my eyes and look around, but the pain was serious. I could make out the cage and a few things on top of that. There were other bodies. It took my brain some time to be able to meaningfully process information again. To say there were bodies later seemed a bit of an overstatement. More like there were pieces of them here and there. Limbs and bones with parts of tendons still attached with occasional remnants of burnt meat. Leftovers. That scenery was exactly like from the stories we used to hear as children of life behind The Wall… Barbaric, cruel, predatory. Most of us kids eventually stopped believing them and took them as mere cautionary tales meant to keep us from misbehaving. Well, fuck you, sir. Fuck you very much.
I must have fallen asleep shortly after that, because when I woke up again, I finally managed to ease up a little bit. Not too much, but just enough so my brain would let me to take a more careful look around. There was a village full of life, like a small swarm of bees buzzing around their flowers inside the hydroponics. But this was different. Out in the open, unsure, unprotected. What a strange feeling… They appeared to have no protective dome around them. The village lived in makeshift buildings which resembled those round tents in the old Asian movies. From the little I could see, they had hydroponics, but outside, unsheltered from the elements. It all felt so unnatural, so strange. Apparently, that’s how cannibals live… An untamed, unsheltered barbaric life for untamed, barbaric people. I couldn’t even express how much I wanted to go back to my old ‘boring’ life. Where the fok is this place and how the fok did I get there… I never crossed the barrier, I never crossed the barried!! “I NEVER CROSSED THE BARRIER!!!” I screamed as much as I could without ever planning for it.
Hence, in what seemed to be a last dying wave of defiance I started to explain: “Look, I never meant to cross the line! I was going back! I finally found my place, I want to be successful!” There was a tent which turned out to be our destination. No one seemed to pay any attention to my complaints. We went inside. It was spacious and the interior covered in some kind of carpets and cloths. “I am a loyal member of the Society…” I moped.
I was surprised as hell but it was hard to complain. I slowly gathered myself and left the tent. I was there among all others in the village. It took me some time shake off the shock, but my brain was telling me that something in my previous calculations didn’t quite add up. I tried walking a little. My whole body was sore but still pumped with adrenaline and cortisol, so the inevitable fatigue didn’t have enough time to announce itself just yet. They can’t do much for me yet I had my backpack which they never took from me. I was good to go. But Where to? I was inevitably arriving at the conclusion, that this indeed wasn’t Kansas anymore. Something in me was different. Never in my life had I imagined anything from what I just saw today. Never in my life had I felt my last moment being so imminent. But wasn’t that exactly what we trained for with master Wu? That may have been it and everything he had taught me went out of the window. Not my proudest moment. Next time, let’s do better.
Do you even know why you are lost, kid? I bet you got no clue... Coz you think you’re on the top of your game. That you got everything under control. That you are the puppet master. That gives you confidence. Gives you purpose. You feel such an extreme focused on your objectives that you are clueless of the blindfold you had put on yourself. You don’t see that this still ain’t the key. Once again you got stuck halfway through, falling victim to your own deceit. You’re such an amateur... How do you expect to find anything if you’re this blind? You really have no clue it’s all just a game, do you. Like a child making a sand castle on the beach thinking it will last... Come on, stop being full of yourself and see through the lies. Everything you heard me say earlier... It’s real but it's only conventional. It means it’s there but only sort of. Like a game. Which means it’s not really real. So if you’re truly after the real thing, better not do it at all. Or else, if you still want to do it be sure you’re fully aware it’s just a game. That way you won’t be deceived and you’ll see how the driver gets rolled over again and again each time they roll over someone else. And exactly like you the driver has no clue. So who do you think is more unfortunate?
A young lady proudly walks once again through the city on her way to her place inside the machine of the world, to the very core of the driving unit - as she likes to think of it. Her new life is different in many ways, yet in many ways, it is still her life. Amidst the futuristic design of the city her golden brocade adorned with jewelry of jade shines like a wish-fulfilling star. Both men and women turn their heads as she passes by, infatuated by her beauty and style. She has the perks - most of which she has never even imagined one might ever need. Now it is she who is admired by those who have yet to find their way to success. It is not that all her troubles have stopped; She still has to run from time to time to catch some new accomplishments, but so far, nothing as exhausting as the biggest one in her past. And she almost let it slip through her fingers. Don’t take me wrong. she says to herself. Meeting the old man in the forest was indeed a precious experience, but thankfully, because I listened to my guide to success, it brought me up to this point. It is true that her present life isn’t exactly what she used to picture. People demand more and more accomplishments from her and the more she achieves, the more friendly some people become, trying to steal some of it for themselves. They try in many different ways to get close to her, to make her like them and give them some of her wonderful things. With time, she learns to suspect these strategies in others and stop trusting them before they can try something.
It has been sometime since her training days and nowadays she has already managed to establish herself in an actual position of a huge corporation, working directly for its CEO. She has her own office, her salary, lots of friends and most importantly, she has class. It truly is still much strange a feeling, she had never been used to others treating her like royalty back in her child days. Now, she has no longer a need to sit under trees biting into apples or drink from her palms at the forest spring or ‘just idly relax’. Her new boss gave her a special pass to his golf club, where everyone tends to her every desire.
Amidst the futuristic design of the new modern city her golden brocade and high end jade jewelry topped by a wish fulfilling golden star on her chest shines as though it were a token from a mythical world of mighty magic. She is often told by her boss that she is an inconceivable treasure both for him and the company. She is remarkably youthful and vital with her body and face fresh and beautiful, still unscarred from corporate fighting. Together with her pure heart, she makes everyone entranced and believe every word she says, whether it’s a colleague or a customer, even when dealing with the competition, just having her at the table makes everything go smoother. She often finds herself daydreaming, her heart just weeping in awe from all this splendor into which she somehow had fallen.
The arcology is something really intriguing and fascinating. A whole city in an independent artificial ecosystem. The breath of the future. Can there be a better time to be alive than now? She rushes to her office to grab a file, take two minutes, drink a cup of hot oolong and rushes again to the new meeting room.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future. Together we're gonna build it.” He makes a gesture and an huge holographic projection appeas in the middle of the room. Two objects, one is a big dome with transparent body through which they can see lots of green gardens, parks, a river even with a waterfall. The other presents the same structure cut in half, showing the inner layout. “We are gonna create an entirely new way of living. But first, to those who haven't had the honor – let me introduce my wonderful prodigy, who is the new project co-runner. The girl was genuinely blushing when she bowed before the audience. “Her vision for this project is the determination to make people's lives better, to finally after so long time make a substantial step up on the ladder of evolution.” His voice, full of zeal and pride, in/voluntarily makes sure everyone got the most important statement - We're sleeping together and so he can move to establish his alpha-maleness throughout the room in an attempt to fulfill the compulsory sacred ritual of his Pleistocene ancestors, so it wouldn't stand in the way and thus he can keep on boasting about evolution. What she finds even more cute than the fact itself is that judging by the looks and the overall atmosphere in the room, she is probably among the significantly few who understands it in its entirety. Most of everyone seems to be fully in on it even after all those thousands of years.
A hum of understanding became sufficiently present in the room. The boss was immensely pleased and showing his victorious smile of satisfaction #3, which again was for her all but unexpected. There are not many reactions of others that she cannot foresee. In this business, everything, every move, every second must be strategized and the absence of barriers in comprehending that reality is in fact the very reason and root of her success. That is the ambrosia, the amrita, the nectar of the almighty. In her understanding, the main problem of most people are their ego-induced inhibitions. They always get stuck on their delusions of the world which makes them torn between others' expectations and their own. Very few have the capacity to realize that that's not the correct formula for getting others' attention. When one deals with rich people, there are two main aspects of their worldview. First, they are power-hungry and second, they are bored from constantly getting what they want. Therefore, each of these two sides creates a different expectations from you. Hence, when you act according to their basic expectations, it'll make you look “safe” in their eyes, so they can relax. On top of that, there are key points where you must act against their expectations, which will make you look intriguing, thus they can slowly, but most importantly – willingly trust you to pilot them safely into the inviting waters of subduction. So far, she cannot remember an instance when this wouldn't work. As they say: “The apple falls off the tree the shortest way regardless whether there is Newton beneath it.
She walks through an orchard where the autumnal breath is slowly getting ready for its reign. Boy, it runs so fast... she gasps at the though of the early spring when she entered this new world as a complete puppy, and now look... She's becoming a proverbial apex predator. Her family, especially her grandma would be so proud! After all it was her who had always taught her that she must find her own way through life and always bring benefit to all beings. And that's exactly what she's doing. When she's finished, there will be no suffering in this world! But of course, the way to that goal is obviously incredibly hard and a lot of it is very unpleasant. Nevertheless considering all included, the end does justify the means, and to believe that is the only way to go. It's the new world order of success, after all. Her dreamy wandering through the orchard somehow completely sucked all her attention inside her thoughts, and only afterwards she can realize that she basically ignored all her surroundings. Strange. That's not something that didn't use to happen to her before. Lately she finds herself more and more fully immersed into chains of thoughts and strategies, rendering herself cut off from the outside world... Strange indeed. But what can one do about it... The only thing that remains for today is to get home, complete one more task and get some sleep and energy for another bright new day – Yaay…
And so she continues following her unending trains of thoughts, once again ignoring the rest of the world while commuting back home, doing the usual preparatory tasks, changing her clothes, making dinner, tea, music, newspaper, TV news, social media and all the necessities of a modern successful life which in a way seems to everything it can to protect you from the lack of information of any kind. Lately all the channels seem to be full of hype about the supposed new world order... That we are at the verge of becoming a so called “type 1 society” - a “planetary society”, and it's all this new “economical movement claiming to be the ultimate way the ultimately successful global civilization... Some people call it “United Dictatorship”, but who knows... If anything, our company's gonna be part of it anyways, so let's keep coherence, goes through her mind, while she other-wise mindlessly starts preparing dinner. * * * Another day, another business meeting. Lately she finds herself more and more realizing the sameness of days. Wake up, breakfast, go to work, grab a tea from a tea shop – just for the pure delight, business meetings, business meetings, strategy meetings, smiles #3 to #14, occasionally #21 when it gets tough, lunch, golf club, fitness, clubs, bars, loud music, people, people, judgements, judgements, people, judgements... Go to sleep often exhausted, wake up, repeat. But on the other hand, one she cannot deny is that she is now truly part of something bigger and tangibly successful. That must mean everything everything is as it's supposed to be and this is only part of successful life, which is a bit demanding, yet doesn't render the whole thing any less valid. As if someone gave her a perk for each of her accomplishment, yet in time it started to fade away. So she must to bring more and more accomplishments to keep her perks. Always alert, always in standby mode to be ready to fight another battle. Kind of exhausting indeed.
“Excuse me, we met during the conference...” A voice suddenly wakes her from her daydream. “...I was so impressed!
I was won...I mean..I was wondering if you wouldn't be free for lunch? Oh excuse me... I'm blushing...ehm... I didn't mean to say that...” It was a gorgeous looking young lady, little by height, with huge dark hair and extremely sensual eyes, nose and lips. Her hands were soft looking and all her posture was showing a bit of subtle agitation.
“Shall I take her up on the offer?” she asks her MLCMCBF once they are already dormling. His mind is a cocktail consisting of exactly 50% disbelief and 50% arousal. ...Oh, you're waiting for some more of my wisdom? Sorry, I'm on vacation. See you 'round, kid.
They left. I was there standing in the middle of the settlement. People were passing around me, going about their daily lives. Apparently, I wasn't gonna become food after all. But what now? I no longer had any doubt that this, indeed were the wastelands. Desolate places inhabited by the descendants of those who long time ago had refused to be part of the Successful Society and thus freely chose to stay forever forsaken and miserable. And now, I wound up to be one of them. For the first time since the implied crossing I remembered to check my perk. It was black. That was officially it - I was done. Forever. No one who has ever let their perk go black, has any chance to live a life. I broke down crying on the dusty ground. The thing itself wasn't anything unexpected for already some time, but I guess my subconscious had still lived in a naive hope. My poor being was left at mercy of the elements, both figuratively and literally.
Suddenly I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. "It's OK, it will pass." I heard a voice of a little girl. I felt puzzled again.It was probably the first time I ever had to think about my origin. The first time I've been in the company of someone of a different origin than myself. Even the idea itself was so strange. It occurred to me how unusual is leaving the habitation complex on its own... It's not forbidden or anything but there's truly no real need to ever do so. Since its conception, the whole thing was made to be fully self-sufficient and thus serve to prepare us for living in a similar complex that's being constructed in orbit. An epic exodus, which is scheduled to be a mere one generation away.
"But before we eat," added the older lady "please come with me. We need to clean you up a little. That's interesting ran through my mind. One would think that barbarians don't mind a little dirt... But I was truly grateful. It was about that time when the realization of my actual physical condition came to say hi. "Thank you..." I said modestly. She took me outside and led me to another building. It was filled with showers. "There, use this soap" she handed me a little round thing. "What is it?" I asked. As a matter of fact, I was starting to remember the documentaries we used to watch at school about life in the dark ages. There was actually a segment about hygiene - at least they called it that. It reminded my of an important detail - one would go in naked, like in a swimming pool. Thus I took off my garments and stepped in. In a string of old memories, our teacher was explaining to us how primitive and ineffective was using water and fatty acid salts to break the chemical bonds of dirt. And how it didn't really work and everyone used to stink pretty bad although no one would notice, because they were all used to it. How it took four world wars for human to become civilized. Boy, oh boy... However - to be fully honest, I sure wasn't used to it and the only stinker I could smell was my modest self. So maybe it wasn't fully accurate after all. Hence I decided to give it a try. When I felt sufficiently decontaminated, I stopped the water and went out through the curtain. There was a towel with piece of paper saying: 'Dry yourself with this.' As if I don't know what towel is... Next to it lied a folded set of new clothes. Good idea. I put the new garments on. It consisted of plain pants, a shirt and a vest. They were made of simple fabrics, but the sensation was quite different. They much more resembled what master Wu wears. I wondered what he'd say about my adventures if he could see me. Probably nothing - he'd smile warmly and let me learn from it on my own.
Next, After returning to the house, dinner was already being distributed. "Very good, you look handsome" said the father with a smile.
"Thank you so much!" I said but my attention got pulled in by a smoking bowl of noodles and vegetables on the table in front of me. I was fully aware, that barbarians eat wild flora and fauna. When we were kids, we often pretended to dine like barbarians - with grass, tree bark and stones in our bowls, so it didn't take me by surprise. To be honest, to my senses, it even smelled good and compelling, but a particular one of them - the sense of self-preservation was screaming alerts all over the board.
Undisturbed, I looked up to their faces. They were all watching me while showing a big portion of disbelief. Finally, the little girl decided to weigh in. "Is it true that you live there over the fence as slaves?" The last remaining resistance quickly evaporated and I took the bowl and started eating. At first, the taste was truly weird. Wasn't bad, though. Just that every piece of it tasted a bit different than I had been used to. After a while, wow. My body was overwhelmed. They didn't say anything and let me process it on my own. I'm sure I must have looked like and infant experiencing everything for the first time.
After we finished, the mother took our dishes and carried them outside. Maybe they share the recycler with other families. I stayed there all melancholic. Soon after, they put the table aside, swept the floor, brought mattresses from somewhere and rolled them out on the floor. They were made of textile, not foam. I still wasn't sure I hadn't made a journey through time. Or, perhaps, to some kind of open-air time capsule museum. I refused to believe this was still the year 154 E.S. Although there was not much to do about it at the moment. Hence I didn't complain and gratefully turned in after a truly exhausting day.
The day in the village - how I decided to call it - began early. I was woken up by the father's voice but to be honest, I felt like having slept not more than an hour. I was still half dead after everything I had gone through. Instead, I turned to the other side as a gesture of refusal. Surprisingly, she let me sleep and went away. She came back later and brought with her a small smoking bowl which she made me drink. It was truly terrible, some kind of bitter concoction which quite frankly made my skin crawl. But she surely wasn't the negotiating type, so I had little choice but drink it all. When I was done, she released me from her scrutiny and I collapsed back to bed. Amazingly, after a mere few moments I began to feel warmth coming from my stomach and flowing to my whole body. The coldness I had felt earlier was completely gone along with much of the fatigue. Fascinating. A little while later I was able to stand up. Slowly I went outside to take a look around. It truly felt like in a virtual museum. The settlement was very lively. I took a stroll among the great many tents and makeshift buildings. There wasn't much wood around in the surrounding dry and rocky landscape of bushes and mangroves, so the structures were mostly made of aluminum plates, insulated with glassy foam and hard canvas. Then there were the round yurts - I remembered that name from school. They were really big sometimes. A home for a big family with room to spare. I couldn't help but peek inside as I went by. Everything was actually bigger and more decorated than I was used to. I couldn't help but notice that everyone around was very polite and nice to each other including me. Kids were playing everywhere, running around, elders would sit in groups talking and eating breakfast. ...Breakfast! Looks like I forgot something.
Probably to no one's surprise, I was then confronted with the inevitable fact of being clueless about the way back. Quite, I'd say, understandably I hadn't been paying too much attention to my whereabouts when the little girl led me to her house and this morning the situation wasn't significantly dissimilar when I didn't even bother to look around my point of origin. I tried to retrace my steps, but wasn't able to make it more than a few blocks back. Smooooth... And then I remembered one important fact I had learned that morning. "Excuse me," I said to an elder sitting at the side of the street drinking his tea. "I'm looking for an older lady - a doctor." He observed me very thoroughly as though he were looking at an actual extraterrestrial.
Soon after breakfast the mother looked at me and said: "I have some errands to run, would you help me?" It was similar to the others, but from its far side there was smoke climbing upward along with a very strange and irritating smell which I've had never experienced in my life. And that was exactly where we were headed. There in a small yard, an actual blacksmith was working on an actual forge. Amazing... I've noticed a slight shift in my attitude since yesterday. I seemed to be much less worried by every new-old thing and much more impressed by the living history.
"Hello there!" she said. * * * I tried as much as I could to appear as though nothing had happened. Two weeks had passed since our ambivalent encounter and I was back at master Wu's doorstep. This time not alone, though. It was the right day of the week for a meditation class and there was about fifteen more people waiting for the lesson to begin. One could have thought that after my first contact went so smoothly, there could be no chance for a do over, but after my bruised ego had healed a little, something within me just wouldn't leave it alone. I simply had to know. Had to know, if there's more. More of what, you mas ask - well, that's an excellent question to which I had no answer. At least for the moment. Somehow I was becoming obsessed with a forest. Well, not any forest, to be clear. A particular forest. The one from my vision from long time ago. I had managed to let it go for a part of my life getting busy being an engineer as well as something of a garden designer. I would get up in the morning, get myself a breakfast and coffee from the dispenser, take a sonic shower and go about checking and signing off on different kind of repairs to be executed by maintenance droids. I wasn't doing any heavy lifting though. The process was fully automated and my part was merely an extra layer of oversight - a human eye touch, if you will. A redundant one, to be honest - I don't recall any actual mishap on the droids' side ever happening. After I was done, I would help with designing the natural spaces of the new O'Neill cylinder currently being built in orbit. The rest of the day, I'd spend around hydroponics or one of the natural reserves of the complex. Among trees of the lush green ecosystem, daydreaming and reading old treatises of Confucius, Carl Marx, etc. My life was easy and comfortable. Although the whole Society was built on the notion of success - and such slogans were basically never too far from anyone's sight, there was, to be honest, not much to do. Almost every aspect of life was automated, birthrate heavily regulated - most of births were being postponed until humanity reaches Omicron Eridani. It was an intermediate state between the old earth-bound and the new space-faring civilization. Over and all, since everything went as planned, over time even the success had become automated and despite the visual propaganda never faded, the atmosphere was pretty relaxed. There wasn't much to achieve for living humans, only wait for the glory to come. If you asked me, I was bored. The majority would spend their time going about their learnt routines and in serotonin baths. However, as for me, I was still seeking something else. Something connected to this world. Had I told anyone, I'd be considered a complete fool. The planet was a thing of the past. It used to be humanity's cradle and only home for a long time but not anymore. Now, it was slowly serving out its purpose, thus it wasn't desirable to occupy one's self with it. That would be dwelling on the past - which was one of the main designated obstruction to success.
And there I was. Waiting to learn how to meditate with a group of about fifteen other people. I was wondering about their motivations... To be honest, it sounded a mite anticlimactic. But if I don't listen, I won't find out a voice of logic suddenly appeared in my head. "Observe your thoughts and don't try to change them, don't try to push them away. Great, so I am to sit and do nothing. Why bother coming here then... But finally, I decided to play along. There was nothing going on and thus I didn't expect anything from it. I listened to the breeze gently blowing in the trees and then to my own breath. It wasn't bad, actually. After a while, I found it very enjoyable. My concentration was almost effortless. Slowly, I was becoming able to observe everything as though from above. When a thought appeared from somewhere, I was there too, watching it appear, then linger for a while and finally dissipate into nothing. It was truly fascinating. I felt, for the lack of a better word, free. I didn't feel any compulsion to act on my thoughts and feelings like I normally do, I could just watch then as though they were someone else's. I don't know how long we were sitting there and I didn't care. I was like a child watching and aquarium of little fish for the first time, watching them swim back and forth without any drama. There was a high pitched sound. I observed it like everything else. But then I noticed that everyone around me was making sound and standing up. The session was over. I felt so... vast. I just went home and fell asleep right away.
The next morning, I woke up full of enthusiasm. I did my morning routine and went to work. We met with a longtime colleague and a friend of mine and wound up checking power relays in the Great Park, which was basically a mini jungle. There was a notice of the new organic circuits misbehaving or something. Nevertheless, I was still full of excitement from the previous evening and intensely felt like sharing. With her, I felt secure to do so. We've known each other intimately since adolescence. She was truly nice and kind. She was tall, long black hair with a dark-reddish complexion and deep affectionate eyes. She smiled. "Wow, I've always thought that the wind could send you this way" she noted after I told her the summary of yesterday's events. Frankly, my meditation experience really changed something in me. Even afterwards, I would still feel much calmer and definitely much more interested in my own consciousness, if you will. Moreover, It made me really feel good as a member of the Society because I was being successful in my effort. Oh, thank you, master Wu, now I see I was indeed wrong about you. Like this, I will successfully find my answers in no time. I couldn't wait t till next week's session. The week went by and I was once again finding myself on master Wu's doorstep waiting for the class to begin. As before, he appeared before us, greeted us kindly and invited us to the mats. We bowed to him at took our places in silence. He observed us carefully. "Do not forget to keep your back straight and concentrate on your natural breathing. Always through your nose. Let go of the grip on your thoughts and expectations." I felt thrilled and my heart was pumping. I was sitting crosslegged, left hand resting on the right one, concentrating on my breathing, waiting for the shear broadness of the mind to present itself. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out, in, out. It was so good the last time - at points I could even see my thoughts being born and get a glimpse of them before even taking shape. This is gonna be a huge success! Again, I felt a deep sense of satisfaction. Made me smile a little. Look at me, succeeding in meditation! "Dinnnnng" - the bell signalizing the end sounded. Wait a minute... that can't be right. What?! Everyone slowly stood up, bowed and began to move out. I did the same but inside, I was completely out of phase, clueless about what just happened. It didn't make any sense. I didn't feel any broadening of the senses like last time. How can it be over? I haven't achieved success yet! I wanted to scream. Suddenly, something that I haven't had experienced for a long time - a metallic taste of fear made its way to my mouth. I imagined my token going copper. I instinctively looked down but it was still gold. That was close... I remembered my elementary school days memorizing one of the most important speeches by The Emissary. She was standing on a stage in her spectacular brocade cloak which The New World Order used to wear back in the day. She was really stunning. Pale face, thin long neck mostly covered but with eyes full of focus, explaining the workings of the tokens in the context of achieving greatness not merely for individuals but for humanity as a whole. "We all have to pitch in otherwise we'll fall back into the dark ages of the previous era. Once in space, failure will not be an option we could effort, thus performing any task at less than hundred percent may result in ending our humankind. Therefore, we have to set the bar no lower than the ultimate maximum and adapt to it by any means necessary." One could almost hear the crowd gasp. "But do not fear! We are a society built on togetherness and compassion. For the time being, everyone will be allowed one mishap. But remember, we all need to work together no matter what. Only then we'll be able to fulfill our moral obligation - to ensure Humanity's survival." Oh, The Emissary. So wise and caring. She was a living embodiment of loving kindness. In time she became legendary and indeed, there are many legends about her. She would always appear with her face covered - people would say that it signified giving up individualism for the benefit of the Whole. She was called 'Supreme Mother - the one who gave up her own family and made all of humanity her own children'. She stood right at the beginning and was the voice of virtue for the new Era of Success. If it weren't for her, the New World Order wouldn't stand a chance. Since childhood, they would always warn us not to fail to succeed and thus taint the legacy of our Mother. Remembering that, my chest got tight again. Although my rational mind was telling me that no one really cared about my meditation experience, so there was no real danger to my life, it still felt terribly wrong.
* * * "Yeah. I was definitely looking for something." I said out of the blue. That time we had already distributed few more packs with medicines and took more supplies including vegetables, protein bars, power cells and water filters but I continued being steeped in my own thoughts and didn't pay much attention. The mother as always smiled without any sign of disturbance. She and master Wu were definitely of the same kind. By the looks of this place, here everyone's well-being and perhaps even life itself inherently depended on great many profoundly unsure factors. Sun, rain, storms, hale, floods, drought... Exactly the dangers which our Society had long managed to take out of the equation. She's basically said that they had been given an opportunity to be part of the Successful Society, but they turned it down, sentencing themselves and all their descendants to a life in miserable uncertainty. Who does that! Savages? Primitives? However, I had already seen enough to be sure that they were neither. Nor were they in any sense lazy or selfishly narrow-minded - quite the opposite. So why then... To put it simply, I didn't get it at all. She must have meant the unification campaigns by The Emissary - the one who had never even for a second stood for anything else than the highest good of the whole humankind. How foolish must one become to refuse something like that... That truly was lacking even the slightest hint of adding up. At that point I had already arrived at a firm resolution to get to the bottom of this mystery, for I was refusing to believe it was that straightforward. I needed to get more information, to snoop around and find out as much as I could. Maybe, just maybe, they used to be savage once, but in time they slowly changed. What if there's a chance for them to reintegrate, so that they could be once again members of the Successful Society and enjoy all the benefits...and me as well!
I was beginning to feel my whole body being filled with a new sensation. Now, I had a mission. The sensation hatching within me was invigoration. I had a purpose, therefore I had hope. What if this was what I was meant to do here all along? After all, I didn't run away - I didn't cross the barrier willingly! I didn't give up my token! I sacrificed it - my own well-being so I could help these once upon a time savages find their way back home. Now, that's what I call an achievement! Oh, that felt so great. So empowering. All anxiety was gone in an instant as though it was purified by the mind of Success. I was positive that I must had been chosen By the commitée for this mission, which explains the complete lack of resistance and obstructions in leaving the complex and crossing the barrier. Wait a minute - that means my water ain't spiked! "Yupiiiii!" I suddenly found myself jumping in the air. A part of the buzzing crowd around us apparently took notice and rewarded me with amused gazes. We arrived home with time to spare till lunchtime. In the kitchen, the rest of the family was dancing around preparing vegetables, rice and plant-based meat. Nevertheless, no need to say that my desire was already set on something else. I didn't say anything to anyone, because I figured that it'll be better when they see for themselves. I took my backpack and went outside. First, I fished out my canteen, filled it with water and subsequently activated the purifying process. It chimed affirmatively and began working. After about thirty seconds, it chimed again, notifying me that the water was ready. I'd never thought such a simple and natural thing would become truly heaven-sent. Next, I took out my bowl and after removing the lid poured the water and added the powder. It fizzed and rose for a while before settling in the state of thick foam gratin. Lunch was ready. Boy! Finally a clean meal... It tasted really good. Melted on my tongue with a grace and nonchalance of a top-notch acrobatic ice skater. I can't begin to describe how good it felt. I leaned against the house wall, my body, speech and mind fully giving into the culinary rapture. Never had I ever enjoyed food this much. After a while the rapture wore off enough for me to be able to stand again. I slowly packed all back in and went inside as though nothing had happened. The others were already setting the table and filling their bowls. I just said that I wasn't hungry and will eat later. Instead I went to look around the room where I couldn't but notice a wooden shelf in the corner, inside of which were, get this: paper books! I had never held a paper book in my hand before. Took it out and opened it. It was fascinating, turning paper pages, the smell... Stared into it for a while, but somehow couldn't tell the letters apart. For some reason, they were blurred and all over the place. It was weird enough on its own, but soon after I felt a strong cramp in my stomach which quickly turned into sheer pain. Then suddenly all sounds around me felt like coming from a distance. I heard a voice - probably the mother shouting something, but couldn't tell what. Then a bitter taste in my mouth and I was forced to swallow. I didn't mind, though. At that moment, I the discomfort had mostly receded and I felt light as a breeze, as though I was spreading my consciousness through the whole world. When I woke up, I was lying in the bed. At first, I tried to open my eyes, but the light was unbearable. I guess it took me quite a few minutes to come to. I noticed something wet on my forehead. Tried to turn my head and saw a bowl lying next to it. I tried to move, which although wasn't utterly impossible, after a while proved significantly inefficient. Next in line was an attempt for a vocal queue. Turned out a whisper was all there was on the menu at the time. So I decided to give it a rest. Still wasn't sure what happened. Trying to remember was exhausting enough on its own. We went on a supply run but then it got blurry... Something about getting a mission from The Emissary herself. Once again, I tried to get up, but no chance. Moreover, the effort totally exhausted all the strength I got, so I must have fallen half-asleep.
* * * I also started having strange dreams. Sometimes only glimpses sometimes full scenes of rocky landscapes and more and more about an opening in a mountain wall. That part was gradually becoming vivid. Same as some kind of a vanishing image of a forest... But there was something special about that particular forest. It was huge to the point that it seemed to have no beginning and no end. Vast trees and bushes teeming with life, lakes, springs all kinds of animals and the whole place seemed to be in a total harmony and serenity. It felt like i was spending there a long time. Each day as I woke up I’d walk on searching for something to search. It was both strange and fascinating but I knew those dreams are signs showing me the goal of my journey whatever it was. If only I could formulate it. The only thing that was consistent was the mountain opening. I felt anxious, afraid of failing to find it... So I went on from place to place trying to unveil every secret, discover every sign though usually with little or no luck. I was getting tired of that pointless roaming... That certainly wasn’t how I used to picture something as sacred as a spiritual journey. Little by little my doubts were raising. Was it for nothing? Perhaps it will all become one big bulshit and I’m only making things up. Maybe I’ll get back without having learned anything and accomplish nothing. With that embarrassing sense of an impossible burden, I collapsed on a park bench near a bridge across a small river.
“Having a bad day, are we?” Said a strange voice of a man sitting near.I hadn’t even realized that he was there while being too preoccupied with my personal despair. I continued sitting there totally overwhelmed, perplexed by this strange being who could see right through me despite having met for a mere brief moment. I better get comfortable... No way in hell! My mind kept replaying this talk and examining it.I am stuck, ignorant of my own destination. Why don’t I just give up? So what am I after?
Suddenly, like being hit by lightning I jumped up in the air, screaming in the direction of his leaving silhouette. “I am looking for the Spirit of the forest!!!” It was still dark when I woke up screaming. What a strange dream... I was left with a sensation of which I couldn’t make heads or tails. Deeply puzzled and relieved in the same time. Nothing seemed to make sense at the moment. Only after some time when my brain started to work at least partially, those feelings have become clearer and finally I understood the cause of my relief. Now I was somehow aware of my goal. It came to me in a dream again. A prophetic dream, perhaps of divine origins. It felt so good! I looked around, trying to determine my location in space and time. I was in a forest. Also, I felt extremely well rested, so I must have had dosed off pretty early the previous day. I couldn’t even remember entering that forest... An obvious exhaustion from those months of chasing my own tail. How ignorant I had been... I collected myself and started walking, full of interest about this almost magical place full of life and scents which felt like moments before dawn, although I was still deeply puzzled about that strange and vivid dream. After some time it almost started to feel odd. I had no clue about how I had gotten so deep in the forest, that I didn't seem to be able to find a way out. Despite all that, this mystery proved to leave no trace of bad feelings about this place whatsoever. It was peaceful, it was beautiful. As though it existed somewhere else and not in this confused and crazy world of even more confused and crazy ours. Something within me began to feel a tremendous wave of relief and euphoria. Was this what they call “spontaneous enlightenment”??? Wow, everything bothering my mind until then just magically disappeared. All that was left - calmness, clarity, euphoria. No matter how much I tried to identify what’s so peculiar about this particular place, this particular forest, I couldn’t pinpoint even the outskirts of it. She’s hidden in plain sight, yet nowhere to be found. I was sitting in all human silence, listening to everything around me, deeply fascinated by the immense strength of the calmness-in-action teeming everywhere from horizon to horizon. Loosing track of time, I realized another peculiar thing. The sun wasn’t moving. There was indeed something different about this place. In plain sight, yet nowhere to be found... Finally, my own delusion struck me in the face, right where I deserved it. I was such an idiot. The freaking answer was there the whole freaking time! Then, in less than a second, I came to realize the most freaking obvious of freaking facts.
She looked at me with a hint of a smile that was coming more from her eyes than anywhere else. Her eyes were immensely calm, equanimous, yet in the same time warm and welcoming. She was sitting there lacking any apparent gesture other than a mere affirmation of my presence. Everything about her was breathtaking and beyond comparison to anyone I have ever seen - even till this day.
* * * The room was dark and when I looked around, everyone was sleeping. Tried moving my head and it worked. Left hand, right hand, both reported as functional. Legs didn't object either. Wow, must have been out for quite a while. I already felt much better, but my memories were hazy at best. Slowly, I tried to piece together what actually happened. It was coming back little by little, although still, I was a bit unsure whether it was yet another dream, or that pesky little reality I had been enjoying so much before. For the time being, the sole fact that the scenery around me wouldn't change just because I willed it to had to be enough. But then something really began to sink in. I saw her again. I freakin' saw her again!!! So many years I had been waiting, hoping she'll make good on her promise, but not a glimpse... Not a single dream the whole time. And it sure wasn't due to lack of trying. I'd lived a successful life, made a good member of the Society but ever since my childhood, she wouldn't show up. Then I betray my whole kind, leave all my successful life behind and guess what... Yeah, even I could see the signs. As she'd put it the first time - I was in the right place. Apparently. It didn't take long and I heard movement. It was the mother, she sat up on her bed crosslegged and didn't move. Made sense. I tried to sit up as well and surprisingly it worked better then one would expect and despite a certain sense of subtle weakness still present in my body, for the time being it seemed OK. I sat crosslegged as well, facing her and as expected she didn't budge one bit and continued on in full concentration. It took some more time, but eventually the father would wake up too and join us in the same position. We were sitting as though it was our natural daily routine. For them in evidently was. For me, it used to, and it was about time to renew the tradition. The last one to wake up and take the posture was their daughter. For a while all four of us would continued meditating, until they all began reciting something for a few minutes. After they finished, the morning preparations took place. All without talking, well rehearsed and smooth. I tried to help, but they merely gestured me to take it easy after what I'd been through - to which, pragmatically speaking, it wasn't my place to object. Hence I watched them bring the table and make breakfast. There was little point in arguing that I was indeed poisoned by my water purifier. So I told them about my previous ideas, which quite frankly, made them all laugh really hard. Although to be perfectly honest, I strongly suspected that the little girl was laughing more with them than at me. Though the comedy part of my shear naivete was in no way lost on me either so we all enjoyed a long diaphragm massage before we could continue talking.
"So you came here to civilize us, son?" The father was the first one to attempt at sharing a bit more coherent thought, although he was still looking and sounding like in a permanent seizure. But just a bit later, the conversation continued on much serious note.
Hey I’m talking to you, snap out of it!.. You still ain’t got enough of that steamroller bullshit? Okay, as you wish. You might ask how the drivers are more unfortunate, when they’re guilty of rolling over innocent people? Seriously? Man, you gotta love that blindfold of yours... Have you heard nothing about conventional reality? It’s like Japanese beer. It itself is real, but it’s content - pure illusion. Though certainly not a cheap one... To tell you the truth, you need to understand how the “game” works. Almost everyone in this world thinks that we all live in the same world, same reality. That there is basically one steamroller and the ones riding on it are different from the ones on the road. And that’s the biggest mistake and also how the game begins, kid. That’s how we enter the rabbit hole. Ask the old Italian smart-ass, Einsteino! We all make our own conventional realities which aren’t the same, yet they overlap in a sense. So despite most of us think we are either driving the steamroller or sitting somewhere on it as passengers or at least clinging to it as stowaways and others are just losers blocking our way, from their point of view they are those on the steamroller and we are the collateral. And each time we roll over someone, they roll over us. We feel the effects, yet we only see our own illusion, our version of the story. In other words, it’s like trying to chew on a hedgehog. I’m sure that cute little guy won’t like it, but trust me, in the end, you’ll like it even less. You see - you are responsible for the fruits of your actions, as they are for theirs. That way, there can be no “hurt” in you, no matter what anyone else does to you. There is no true guilt. Only cause and effect. To be continued. 慧淨 (c)Sunrise, designed by 慧淨 2004-2025 |